Hey there and big hugs to you …

Thanks for takin’ a few moments outa your day today to invest thought and time in this post.

It means a lot to me that you come.

It means even more that you read.

And it just matters deeply much to me that I hug you for that effort…an instance of your life where you’re choosing to interchange with me and you’re opting to take some moments and reflect and comment on something I’ve written and / or something you’ve considered as you read.

I deeply value your contribution, on whatever level or expression. Truly muchly.

And I wanna offer this which is something I haven’t said yet so directly:

I want to be sure I’m supporting you however best I can in braving your own waters to share your story…to speak from your heart and share from your deepest yearnings the kind of ideas you’re wanting to…whatever they look like in whatever form….of your life journey.

I get the intimidation that can come from choosing to blog.

I totally get it.

I completely understand and am nodding my head with you about frieking out over buying a domain and self hosting your blog and figuring out all the whatchamacallit widgets and templates and software and and and.

And if you’re like me and have this kinda stubborn and kinda courageous streak that needs to teach it all to herself by just diving in without a whole gameplan then I totally get the complete feeling of overwhelm in the process too.

I am my own tech department–for now and I get the whole “do I really know what I need to know to do this thing?”

But I’ll share with you, what’s nudged me on every single time is more than just a complete conviction that fear is never going to squelch my efforts.

That more is this: we each matter. So much. And our stories, our experiences of the heart, those are to me what connects us, what links our humanity. And not just our stories themselves but the how our hearts shift…how we’re moved and how we grow.

It’s why I blog. It’s why I’m showing up to do my part. And it’s my hope that you will too and / or will let me know how I can help you with that process.

Because here’s the thing: those of you who blog already may get this: there’s a total parallel between willingness to stand for our growth and blog it and the actual journey of that growth.

There’s something so uniquely parallel about claiming the triumphs and continuing them. About admitting the messes yet seeing our way through them.

For me, as I write, my thoughts are clearly focused on the where I’m trying to go, but as it always happens, the stuff that needs to be shared comes up. And just in life: I have my eye on the goal, but there’s that ever present divine Love nurturing each of our footsteps that nudges the ways we need to grow that maybe don’t include such a linear trail to that goal.

So blogging isn’t so much an option for me as the now means of my writing.

And like you, I yearn to connect more in terms of hearing others’ stories and hearing ways you are struggling, working through your messes, figuring out ways to squelch your demons, and figuring out ways to triumph.

The whole journey matters much.

And our willingness to connect and journey together matters much.

So whether in the comments or over on twitter (@tresha) I hope you will take the time to share where you are telling your story…or simply share a nugget..something you’re working on right now or something you feel you’ve triumphed through more recently.

Because..we each matter.

Big hugs.

It’s 3:00 pm and the doorbell rings.

You ask who’s there:

“Who d’ya think silly? C’mon over and let’s go swimming!!”

You yell back, “Hang on, wait a sec..Lemme go see.”

“Hurry up …I’m hot.”

You run back up the hallway, charge into mom’s room, go to interrupt her and realize she’s already nodding yes (mom’s have the longest hearing range) and off you dash for the necessities: towel, suit, flipflops and bubble gum of course.

Every 11 year old’s gotta have her stash to blow ginormous bubbles while lying and floating in the swimming pool.

In a mad dash you open the front door and race out to meet Libby who’s already bounding across the yard back over to her back yard to her pool.

Ah, the days when friends jaunted over and your “wait and see response” was only a matter of seeking out permission b/c your inner parent already said a big OF COURSE YOU CAN.

It was summer. You were 11. And you were helplessly inseparable from your best friend Libby.

And the hurry up rush rush was your accountability pact as best friends forever: you’d determined and agreed with each other to fit every last single solitary measure of fun into one day before they all too soon drifted.

Libby went to a school across town and you guys knew that come the start of the school year, it’d be back to playing on weekends only.

Ah, the wonder of the summer with all it’s frolicking fun. I remember we swam in mornings…late morning…and fell asleep on rafts in each others pools til one of us woke up the other, jumped off the rafts back into the water for a cool off before grabbing some lunch (cheese sandwiches to go) and then hopping in our wet suits with jean shorts and flip flops pedaling around the neighborhood…trolling for a higher branch to climb from the day before.

And once ascended to a newfound branch with remnant of cheese sandwich and book bag on tow, we lose ourselves again to separate good reads and journaling writing poems about made up romances and secret crushes. And if we dared share our innermost hopes and dreams, we’d lock pinkies and do a pinkie promise to never to tell anyone about these fantasies…again, another accountability measure: we’d keep them sacred within our hearts, knowing full well our potential to achieve those dreams. We were rather confident kiddos indeed.

There’s nothing like remembering the enthusiasm I dove into those days of adventure with. For one reason: the “lemme wait and see” was kept at a rare minimum voiced only as a statement of pause while permission from mom obtained.

Flash forward to adulthood: A couple years ago, I noticed myself saying “Lemme Wait and See “ an awful lot. But this time, not in response to Libby or anyone really…but rather, in response to myself. Only here’s the thing: I wasn’t treating me anything like I’d used to treat my best friend libby.

To this childlike mind and heart offering new adventures to pursue or risks to take, I’d flat out blow her off, ignore her, and often I’d actually try to run away from some of her lofty goals and dreams because they intimidated me.

Can you relate?

Have you ever pretended to hear but really blown off your inner most dreamer, childlike fearless self with “lemme wait and see?” You know who I’m talking about…that innate sense we all have who’s fearless, unintimidated, unfettered, who seeks to frollick and play, live fearlessly and make her/his dreams come true?

Now think back: I wonder if Libby woulda found another buddy to swim with if I put her off time and again…

What if I left her standing at the door, never returning to let her know I liked the idea of going for a swim but was intimidated, or I appreciated the thought of biking around the neighborhood but had too much on my plate to take time off just yet (and for the next year), or that I needed more courage to climb as she was suggesting.

You know what I think?

I think, knowing how Libby was a friend to me she would have listened to my fears, she would have held my heart with great compassion and heard me explain them and justify them.

And she may even give me another day or two.

But ultimately, she would have nudged me to try anyway, in spite of my intimidation.

You know how? Because a best friend holds your hand, reminds you it’s not about peaking Mt Everest in 4 hours, and encourages you to take one step toward a goal. And then once you’ve achieved that, a best friend nudges you to take another step toward your goal. And another. And another. And so on.

Now shhhhhh. Maybe you’re saying “Fine. But I don’t have a best friend and no one pushes me to push myself.”

I hear you. I get that, so totally much.

So here’s the thing: we can cultivate the ability to be our own best friend.

It’s not fake.

It’s not phony.

It’s the most natural inclination because it’s about wanting to nurture our hearts, hold our hands and help ourselves take one step at a time.

We can do that with ourselves. We need to do that with ourselves as much as we would with each other.

Had I been scared to go swimming and told Libby, I am positive Libby would not have responded “Well aren’t you the wimpiest wimpette of the century. Nice knowin loser. See ya.”

Yet isn’t that exactly what we do when we blow off our innermost yearnings?

I wondered to myself more recently when I was pondering how often I blew off my innermost yearnings out of intimidation with the old “Lemme wait and see” response.

So here’s the thing: noticing I was following this pattern of blowing off my innermost yearning, I tried this experiment: Tre, the next time you get a nudge to try anything new, pretend that nudge is Libby and respond to her the same way you woulda have responded to Lib when you were 11.

I know right? I was half laughing at this suggestion. But then again, I wanted to try it. In truth, I was cultivating my right to be my own advocate, my own best friend.

So immediately after consenting I get a nudge to start a blog.

I burst out laughing, half shocked and half intimidated.

Lemme tell ya what. I tried sooooo hard to convince myself to start this experiment next week.

I didn’t have a clue how to blog. I didn’t really think I had anything to say, where to begin, and so on.

I had a bazillion excuses.

Ah, but man I’m too honest sometimes.

I couldn’t blow it off. I was doing this experiment for a reason. I needed to reclaim my right to honor that fearless child within and strive to fulfill her dreams.

So I shifted thought.

I asked myself how Libby would respond.

And I knew she’d help me take one step.

And you know what? I did. I googled “start a blog” or something basic like this. This was way before I even knew folks blogged that very topic.

And whatever I found that day was enough.

The next day I asked myself “how would Libby help you?” And I took another step. I searched the different platforms Wordpress and Blogger (2007).

The next, I took another step, and so on.

Each day I’d get to that section of my schedule where I was devoting time to this project and each day I’d ask “Tre, what would Libby do to help you right now?”

Each of those days, I didn’t do a whole lot, mind you. But in those hours, when tempted to blow off the pursuit, I walked through step by step how to be my own Libby or best friend and how to help myself figure this out.

Now it’s small, and yet huge.

I’m so convinced that the more we’re each able to cultivate how to be our own best friend in the throngs of intimidation or nervousness, we’ll cease backing out of events and avoiding taking steps toward fulfilling our dreams and we’ll move forward step by step.

Ever since….while I haven’t answered the door every single time, I’m that much more alert to when I am about to respond to my inner most yearnings with that stall tactic…and strive to bound off a resounding yes like I did when Libby and I went swimming.

This is a simple little story today to nudge a point:

Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, when we tell ourselves “lemme wait and see” what we’re really  saying is some form of “I’m scared..I’m not ready..I need more time.”

And sometimes–most times–we don’t. Most times, if you feel that fear, it’s a moment to strive to be your own best friend and help yourself figure out what is one single next step you can take toward achieving this goal.

Even if you have no clue what that next step may be, then you can take a step to find out.

So think about it..anything come up for you recently that you responded to with “Lemme wait and see?”

Can you rethink that response and consider how you could work that desire, try being that best friend and holding your hand and helping yourself take one step toward accomplishing the desired task?

Would love to hear about it!

If you have any questions or want to know more about how to be your own best friend, just leave a comment below or send me an email: tre at thought by thought dot net.

Eager to hear from you! Til soon….be well and big hugs…

Do you ever just pause and listen to your thoughts? …stretch yourself and really strive to hear — with your “Big Listening Ears” what you think your heart of hearts is telling you?

Of late, I’ve been really just in awe as I’ve paused and listened..within.

For me, sometimes that listening finds me hearing a deep calm….kinda like a nudge to steady on with whatever I’m doing.

Other times, that pausing and listening yields a different message…like “stop girlfriend..let it go..it’s not yours to do.”

And still other times, that pausing and listening enables me to step back and look at strides I’ve made  inspite of a lot of huggabaloo that would convince me otherwise.

Recently, as I’m using my big listening ears (do you just adore this photo?), I’m hearing a lot:

…a lot less self justification defending past choices.

…more peace with just letting certain relationships alone…

…greater calm about certain unfinished business and unanswered questions…

…more knowing that I’ll know what I need to when I need to know it….

…more conviction that I know enough this moment to take a step..if even just one…and then another..and then another…

Likewise, I’m hearing a really focused directive on ways I need to grow my web presence, and for a while all the next steps were rather vague. So I’m grateful for that clarity.

And then too, I’m hearing a lot more inklings of gratitude and awe over the wonder of the very right nowness of life..and with it such a calm about the right now…such a hush to former angst over future…a lot more settled “now”- ness.

Transitions can knock the wind outa your heart and thoughts for a good long while…for me it’s been a coupla years…and yet when you’re super still and listening, even though so many of your footsteps feel like stumbles, you tend to come face to face with your heart and realize not a whole lot of your innermost substance has changed.

Rather, you hear her a bit more clearly with a whole lot less ’stuff’ in the way (false expectations of your intended outcomes, outmoded concepts of productivity and meaning, outdated paradigms of how you thought right life was supposed to look and feel)….

For me, that willingness to pause and listen finds me very much like the young girl in this photo…eager heart and willing hands….open thought and big yearning listening ears….

And it’s rather a tender time….moments of reflecting on lessons learned….moments of giddyness over what’s ahead…moments of awe over the very right now standing still.

The pausing…the listening…the reflecting….

Each has merit.

Each has meaning.

Each has deep deep value that need only matter to us..to you..to me...

So….how bout it?

What are you hearing as you pause and use your “Big Listening Ears?”

Eager hearts and willing hands wanna know ….

Big hugs…..and much joy to you,

Tre ~

Dear Mom….

I am so very very sorry.

You had the best of intentions.

You were on an exhilarating hike, enjoying your views and eager to share the vista of wonder with me.

You called and reached me in the midst of my writing..and yet I answered.

And as you dove into your excited sharings, I pained much…over missing you…over wishing we were sharing your birthday together…over a lot of things I haven’t said enough lately, like I love you.

And did I respond with childlike glee and wonder and enjoyment for your bliss?

Oh, that I wish I had.

Alas, instead, my ego took over the moment, steered the call and manipulated my words such that I pierced you with a statement of rigidity and obligatory actions in my wannabe attempt to ensure you’re respecting my independence:

“Mother, you’re interrupting me…I’m in the midst of my writing!”

I couldn’t believe I uttered these words but take them back it was too late.

I already crushed your childlike glee.

And don’t you know I’d just been writing about that very thing...how when we allow ourselves the wonder and spontaneous joy of play, we exude life and courage and rid ourselves of intimidation and worry.

Oh, how hypocritical and horrific I felt.

But it was too late.

Your disappointed shuttered voice sounded so frail, so apologetic, so shunned.

It was as if a child burst into an adult meeting to show off a fresh new finger painting with deep wonder and enthusiasm, yet is met abruptly by a very deep, very gruff scowl: “DON’T INTERRUPT. WE ARE VERY VERY BUSY HAVING AN IMPORTANT MEETING. Be GONE!

Momma?

Will you forgive me?

Will you forgive me that my ego manipulated my own childlike self, caused me to shun your innocent wonderous joy and barked back at you, your sweet childlike self, as if my now was more important than yours?

And will you forgive me of every such time I’ve acted like my now is more important than yours?

You amaze mother with your constant zest for life, your adventurous spirit, your determination to see the world.

Who are any of us to say or judge how another spends her time?

Who are any of us to shun or begrudge if someone chooses to share with us her joy over her right now?

We should all DROP EVERYTHING if an unexpected call of wonder and glee comes…especially if from our mothers….and celebrate WITH them…..joy and wonder in that moment WITH them…

If we’re closed to the appearing of spontaneous good from a phone call, how in the heck can we be open to possibilities of growth for ourselves for the long haul?

Momma, I was so wrong…and I am so sorry.

I can’t promise it won’t happen again, though I can assure you I will strive to embrace your spontaneous joy with welcome next time, and I so hope you will choose for there to be a next time. Please…let there be a next time.

(Oh how many barriers we indirectly cause for our lives by shunning the spontaneous wonder that comes unanticipated…oh to be more receptive and responsive to embracing such unplanned and unprepared good).

And mom, can we just pause and hug the fact that you are one courageous brave amazing woman to take off on these solo hikes of yours and venture the vistas that you do.

I want to see your imagined finger-paintings of those vistas momma. I want to see every little last detail through hearing your exhilarated description..Paint it mom. Big and beautiful. And lemme hear each detail so that it’s like I’m right there with you. Nothing will ever be more important when you choose to call and share your now with me spontaneously, exuberantly, innocently.

But mom? How bout the next one we share together in person…steada via phone calls and headphones and all things digital.

Nothing will ever replace sharing together time, truly, and I’m long overdue for giving you that.

We will celebrate that birthday of yours!

I promise…..

Love you momma…..so…so much….

The Swing…Robert Louis Stevenson

How do you like to go up in a swing,

Up in the air so blue?

Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing

Ever a child can do!

Up in the air and over the wall,

Till I can see so wide,

River and trees and cattle and all

Over the countryside–

Till I look down on the garden green,

Down on the roof so brown–

Up in the air I go flying again,

Up in the air and down!

Think back: you’re 8, you’re on a mission: you’re off to the park….on skates, skateboard, bike, foot, or someone’s driving you. But you have one thing and one thing in mind: you will swing. and not only swing but you will crank those legs as powerfully as you can and swing as high as possible because you know that the secret fairies may, just maybe, come and sprinkle their flying dust on your toes and grant you wings such that with one of your final ascents you’ll feel the burst of the new beginnings of wings…

But for now, you will swing.

And you will get the best swing out there.

On yer mark…get set….GO!

Remember?
Maybe yours was the monkey bars or the slide or whatever but all of us had some goal we’d master that afternoon at the playground.

This was no show up and meander kinda afternoon. We were on a mission by golly.

I was reminded of my 8 year old self on a recent trip to the beach. (No mom, I didn’t travel to the sun secretly…)

This beach I journeyed to was covered in snow and too freezing to stay outside and play too long. But it was at night, no one around and the sounds of the waves…hmmmm….is there anything more soothing?

I will have a beach cottage some day where I can raise a window and listen all day to the humm of the waves crashing on the shore. But until then my sound maker does just fine.

Back to the story.

I’m standing there…or maybe I sat…and I gazed up at the stars….It was pitch black..so I’m hearing the waves and staring at the stars….and what pops into my thoughts but this poem which was such a favorite when I was 8. I think it was one of the first I’d memorized and surely I thought Stevenson wrote it about me because I adored swinging so often.

But there I sat on the snow covered beach..staring at the stars, listening to the waves, and reciting these lyrics in my thoughts. “Til I can see so wide….” I used to scream that out very loud and boldly and probably scared off a few younger folks when I did so. I love the line. Til I can see so wide.

There’s expectation therein.

There’s a promise.

There’s a resolve.

And staring up at the bazillions of stars that night I thought of possibilities….how there’s always infinite amounts of good ideas and options overflowing.

None of us are cornered in between this or the other choice of lifestyle, job, project, process, how to, whatever.

Life is not ever going to be about this or that. It will always be about choose from a plethora of options.

Talk about a win win.

And my 8 year old didn’t know the phrase ‘what if?’ (as in ‘what if you pick the wrong choice?’) I doubt if she even ever doubted her choices. (She was kinda heady to be truthful…but…:) )

My thoughts are sweet and simple for today:

See so wide….

Expect it!!! Expect to see so wide.

Expect a plethora of good.

Expect loads of options….LOADS.

Expect bazillions stars of possibilities.

Realize you’re never stuck between this or that, one or the other, A or B…

Love yourself enough to invite yourself to SEE SO WIDE.
What d’ya think?

What can you do right now, this next ten minutes to expect possibilties?

What can you do to walk around in your day and expect to see so wide?

Would love to hear. You may even have fun pausing and remembering your 8 yr old childlike self….s/he was full of wonder and courage and might.

And as always, if you want help, lemme know.

Mornin or afternoon:) Hoping you’re well.

It’s dawn for me and I’m watching the rays of light play hide and seek with the clouds and the lingering evening darkness.

I adore this time of day…the transitioning from one period to another…and I’ve watched these shifts of so called evening to morning enough to know there’s a gentleness and calm in the shifting.

Right? I mean it doesn’t go from pitch dark of midnight to brightness of mid morning glow.

No harsh changes.

No rigid staccato shift.

Just gentle, easy, flowing change.

Kinda like our spiritual growth or inner movement.

Sometimes what lets me ‘tune in’ to that growth is to pause and recollect all that I have to be grateful for.

A simple list emerged for me this dawn:

1. heat

2. electricity

3. hot water in the shower

4. a cozy blanket

5. warm coat, hat, gloves.

And then I thought about each of those ‘things’ and what they represented to me:

a. heat — represents the constancy of warmth…gives me a tangible sense of being cared for.

b. electricity — represents having my moments and days illumined, surely by light, but greatly more with awareness.

c. hot shower  –  represents being able to refresh and rejuvenate.

d. a cozy blanket — represents protection…a presence that nurtures and shields while it comforts and supports.

e. warm coat, hat and gloves — represent adornments..provisions that meet my need for physical warmth when I’m out and about.

I do this a lot…think about the quality or essence of what some ‘thing’ represents to me. It helps me expand what it is that I’m really cherishing about that thing. (Okay ..this is kinda tough when the “thing” is Skittles..but…you know we try).

My point: the more I’m aware of what I’m grateful for…and the more I strive to get the essence or quality of that thing I’m grateful for, the more I’m so appreciative of my now. And this helps me deeply much to stay engaged and proactively aware of the flow of good occuring in my life.

Now this is not to say there’s not a lot of ‘muck’ too that I need to sift through and work through. But time and again, as I intend specific moments to really acknowledge what I’m grateful for and get the why behind that thing, I’m very aware that what is good about my now far outweighs the not so good.

This matters much because it helps lighten my thought and keeps me from dwelling on stuff I want to change immediately that probably won’t for a bit (like winter weather) Or things I want to master by noon that probably will take me several months still to figure out (all my online endeavors). Or further other work related goals that may well take several years to see come to fruition.

Impatience, frustration, anxiousness, or intimidation –all of these tendencies are ousted with deep overflowing gratitude that zeroes into the good of our right now.

Give it a whirl and see.

Take a few moments to consider some really basic ways you are warmed, comforted, sustained throughout your day.

Jot down or take mental note of those ‘things.’

Now take each one, and probe it further.

Ask yourself what it is about that thing that really moves you to cherish it.

How does that thing warm you? comfort you? sustain you?

And why does that matter?

Now take stock in all that you just thought about.

How do you feel?

Kinda full of warmth and comfort?

Gauge that feeling with any angst you may be feeling toward your work or toward a relationship or toward any aspect of your life.

It simply helps put things into much more even keeled perspective, doesn’t it?

Plus, a grateful heart tends to seek the good in situations whereas a frustrated one doesn’t always zero i and notice.

So…how bout it?

What did this simple exercise make you think about?

What are some of the things you took stock in and why?

As always thank for being here and sharing from the heart.

Hey there.

Happy Monday to you.

Hope you had a good weekend and if you’re a football fan, hope you’re pleased with the Saints win.

What’s your typical thought routine when you get up in the morning?

Do you lie in bed churning over a mental to-do list?

Does something weighing on you start to pull you downward?

Or do you have some kinda meditation plan in place where you strive to reflect on things you’re grateful for, intentions you’re striving to live, and prepare yourself for what’s ahead?

The reason I ask?

Time and again, how I choose to steer my thoughts when from the moment I’m first conscious in the morning impacts my day so vastly much.

And I find that as I strive to take 10 or 15 or even 20 minutes to reflect on ideas that matter to me, truths that keep me grounded as well as listen for next steps and intend certain actions, I have a much calmer morning and surely a better day over all.

But it wasn’t always so.

For a while I’d mull outa bed, often after sleeping through my alarm and rush my way to just get to my office desk and be there. (Bathroom break 1/2 hour in would be the time I put my face and hair together). I felt a mess and probably appeared one too.

But the real mess were my reactionary thoughts. In those frantically paced mornings, I’d beat myself up something awful calling myself every horrible name you can think of and even in my 30 minute walk to the office, I’d sabotage myself even more, sometimes causing myself to stumble and trip on the sidewalk.

The more we don’t steer thoughts, the more they steer us and the more we react.

But, the more we steer our thoughts, the more we become proactively engaged in each moment, fully present and aware. And this helps so much with keeping thoughts from straying away from the right now present moment.

It helps with preparing us with a calm, steady disposition, no matter what you encounter throughout your day.

When we stop steering and get mentally lazy, we react. We lose that steady foundation and we aren’t as readily able to gauge how we’ll respond to the unexpecteds.  And reacting mode feeds off itself and tends to lure us to stay in perpetual reacting mode.

For the next week, why not try setting the clock to a certain time you know you’ll respond to that allows you 15 minutes of breathing time in the morning to just meditate, listen, be still. Use those moments to mentally map out the quality of  disposition you’re striving to maintain, the kind of attitude you seek to have, the kind of approach you wish to share with others, the kind of mindset you hope to perpetuate throughout your day. And think about the intentions you hope to follow through with.

You may well appreciate the results.

I’m pretty certain you will feel less detached and reacting to your moments.

You may feel more grounded and able to steer your moments.

And most importantly, you may find that in not diving into reacting so readily, you’ll have less stress, less anxiety, and less impatience.

I think we owe it to ourselves to give it a try.

What do you think?

Wanna commit the next week to practicing a new morning routine?

And if you decide to practice taking those extra 20 minutes to meditate and set the tone of your day, come back to this post and let us know what shifted for you by leaving another comment below. (If it’s a few days from now, you’ll find this post in the right side bar under the heading “Current Posts”).

And if you want help in how to meditate for yourself any time throughout the day, let me know that too. If I am aware there’s enough interest, I’m happy to blog more about what works for me…the how I meditate to set the tone of my day.

Sound good?

Til next post, be well and keep it thought by thought!

Being a passenger of a speeding driver can be an enerving experience.
You feel scared, out of control, nervous about your safety, the driver’s, the fellow passengers in cars surrounding you.
You feel stuck, alone, and you want out.

Hold that feeling.

Switch scenarios.

Only this time you’re not sitting passenger.

You’re walking around in your day.

And the speeding driver are the thoughts pressuring you, condemning you, attacking you, sabotaging you.

Your innermost self feels week, vulnerable, not safe ….you want out.

Here’s the difference:
In the first scenario, you can’t physically make the driver slow down.
You can beg, plead, threaten.
You can fling open the car door even to prove your point.

But in the second scenario, you can absolutely take over.
Why?
Because in that scenario, we’re talkin thought.
And none of us have to sit there and be passengers of dictatorial condemning influences….
…Even when they come guised as our thinking.

“You suck.”
“You’re never gonna get done what you need to.”
“Why bother? Everything you ever try doesn’t pan out.”
“You’re hopeless.”
“Here ya go again, what’s the point?”

Or even more specific…say you’re getting dressed or ready to go out and all that blaring occurs:

“What’s the point?”
“You’re ugly.”
“You’re fat.”
“You look heinously gross.”
“He/she is gonna take one look at you and see a complete facade.”

Relate?

Here’s the deal: if you cave….if you let the speeding driver rule your moments in any of these scenarios where it’s a conversation in thought, you’ll get stuck in that constantly feeling unsafe mode.

But you don’t have to.
At any moment, you can shut up and out that condemning mental influence.
And it’s not only vital for that moment, but imperative to do so in order to begin to feel safe and confident about your choices in any situation, in any circumstance, on any level.

Some days I wish I had a way to record the destructive self babble that tries to stall all of us.
And then play it in some kind of open air arena so that every human on the planet would hear and see that he/she is not ever alone in this kind of thinking.

It happens to everyone.
Some are better at ignoring it than others.

Here’s some ways to actually squelch the attempts of the self babble to keep steering:

1. Be Aware. Be aware of the conversations you’re having in thought. The first step reclaiming your control of your mental steering wheel is recognizing when it’s being driven by an influence counter to your productivity.

2. Realize. Realize the derogatory influence is not your inner voice. You didn’t cause them, create them, birth them, befriend them, and you sure as heck have never consented to align with them. Period. You are under zero obligation to respond or react in any way to these derogatory influences. And let me be clear: listening to them and tolerating one iota of what they say is a mental consent…a response. You have zero responsibility to give any consent, ever. Period. It’s simply mental haze. And thus you have zero reason to feel guilty or wrong or anything negative that these thoughts are occuring.

3. Refuse to consent. It’s that simple. You recognize the voice that is derogatory. You become Joan of Arc in thought refusing to allow those influences to govern your moment. Period.It’s an adamant, assertive, defiant refusal. “No way. I’m not believing this balogne. Not for a single solitary second. And often it takes several refusals. And often it takes several moments of being willing to talk the derogatory muck down to shut it up and out. But refusing to consent is vital. It’s the refusing to continue to be passenger with the speeding driver. Essential step.

4. Refuel with gentle truths. At any given moment, you know your why. You know why you’re sitting down to blog. You know why you’re about to get ready to go out. You know why you’re striving to birth a new business. You know why you’re striving to nurture and grow a family, build stronger relationships with colleagues, nurture a better life for yourself, and on and on. You know your why. (ps, the voice that says you’re a dumb idiot who’s aimless and doesn’t know her why is one of those derogatory influences you’ve refused to consent to!). In the same moments you refuse to consent, flood and I mean FLOOD IT BABY your thoughts with your why. You know what you’re about. And even if you wanna take it as simple as just cherishing the good you are about, do that. Think about the ways you strive to see the good, to love more fully, to be more accepting, to forgive. Think about the tireless efforts you’re willing to pour into anything that would help a loved one, neighbor or a population in a desperate situation you may never meet. But flood that thought girlfriend of truths about you. It helps to squelch the derogatory self babble fully and finally.

5. Breathe and Be. After you’ve flooded thought with these truths, pause. Breathe and be. We’re all in the process of sculpting lives of meaning, lives that matter. It’s not a wham, bam thank ya mam’ kinda one day one month or one year kinda effort. It’s a life journey. And this is vital to remember because patience and compassion with our footsteps are essential.

You owe yourself permission to drive…gently.

Your safety, your ability to thrive depend that you master that self babble.

Lemme know if you want help with how.

I know you can master this thing!

Here’s to squelching that self babble once and for all and driving…gently.

I offer this video as a nudge for the start of a month who’s focus is on love.
The courage, the strength, the creativity, the beauty, the spirituality, the dominion that Pink’s performance exudes emulates the expression of a sense of womanhood that finds completeness within.

Listen to the lyrics…indeed she’s speaking of some vulnerable moments, some extremely tender moments in one’s journey.
Choosing to consciously love ourselves, thought by thought, is like that.
Everything will try to sway us to blow ourselves off, neglect ourselves, be hard on ourselves, or worse sabotage ourselves.

The questions for me are: who am I not to love myself?
Who am I not to cherish my unique individuality and live her fully?
Who am I not to be true to my heart?

It is perhaps one of the most selfless questions we each can ask: when will loving ME matter?

And during this month especially, when there’s pulls to define ourselves by external relationships, it is my hope that each and all dive in to cultivate and build a solid committed relationships with ourselves.

We deserve to honor our hearts and cherish the who we are…and so be true to ourselves that we live our innate essence.
We need to take moments to listen to our innermost yearnings and heed them.
We need to invest moments to check in with ourselves, see how we are with any one of our right now choices or decisions and listen to the responses.
We need to value our innermost pulls, our yearnings so deeply much that we heed those, even and especially when they seem to digress from pressures of outside opinions or what we think we ought to do or are supposed to do.

Pink surely mastered that for me in this performance.

So here’s to honoring our hearts, cherishing ourselves, loving the who we are…this moment….and ongoing….

What say you?

Pausing to take a look at the why we are doing anything matters so very much.

Sometimes there’s not a clear why but we’ve chosen something based on what we thought was right at the time we chose it.

We live amidst a culture that is ready to throw out and pitch or change when dissatisfaction occurs.

And yet, 2 weeks ago we witnessed a forced horrific change on the community of Port Au Prince and it affected me deeply.

The night before the earthquake, I’d decided to relocate south. I feel at home in the south…I’m sure I will end up there.

But the night I was to drive off, something nudged me to stay put.

And now I get why.

In unpacking my car and sitting still, I was able to not only learn about the earthquake but stay tuned into the various relief efforts going on.

But more…I was able to sit still, pray to support that community, pray to support friends troubled by that issue and other issues, help clients, and really cut to the heart of some things that have not sat well with my own choices.

And while I’m not certain I will find many who agree with me here, we are each and all a lot deeper than we allow ourselves to communicate or share online sometimes…and same with our sense of fulfillment and our peace. In short, we may think we pine for a place….or a certain type of quality of living, or a certain physical location of being.

But in truth? What matters infinitely much more is where we are choosing to locate in thought.

I am pushing myself more than I ever have in the past.

There are a ton of immediate goals I have that do not require shifting a proximity or do not require shifting much about life.

If you peal back all the layers of thoughts about what you think you need for happiness, the truth is: we each and all have all we will ever need right this moment for that joy.

A mentor friend has often said to me “We will never be happier than we are this moment.” And believe me, I’ve fought that statement so very much.

But the point is this: there’s a great need to dig deep within one’s heart and find all the infinite resources right at hand that at any moment any one of us could choose to exude.

I’ll be the first to admit I feel more me in cutoffs and flip flops than ski pants and layers. But this layering is what I must do for the now to stay warm.

I’ll be the first to admit I so gravitate to tropical flora and fauna, sunshine 10 hours a day and brilliantly blue skies with billowing clouds vs grey days, dead looking foliage and at best snowy slushy icy grounds.

I’ll be the first to admit when I’m not struggling for a sense of peace among my externals, I feel freer to create and write my heart out.

But, be that all as it may, sometimes the sitting still, the sculpting out peace right where we are, the vying and defending for our own right to inherent joy matters deeply more than just upping and changing the externals.

So it’s really a time for me of digging deep….regardless of what the outcome may hold…..for my now, defending the peace that is mine, the happiness that is mine and the undisturbed ability to love that is mine….and as I’m defending this for myself, I’m defending it for everyone.

None of us have to define how we love, our joy, our peace of mind from externals.

Sometimes the struggle to exude them even in the most trying of circumstances makes us stronger.

More than all else, I seek a mindfulness that allows me to be open to helping others and offering my love and my ability to give whether that help be metaphysical support or practical supplies.

Focusing on those goals, honing in my expression of them, these are my now moves.

And defending the peace that comes with that decision.

What helps you stay grounded, defend your peace, and feel undisturbed amidst so much surface upheaval?

Would love to know.