- Image by tanakawho via Flickr
It’s one of the worst pains I’ve ever known.
It’s suffocating, debilitating, make you feel you’re falling into a never ending abyss of black hole nothingness.
You feel dead.
You feel like dying.
You want out.
You want it back.
You wanna press rewind 24/7.
No matter if you broke up with someone or ended a marriage or divorced your soul (and I’d argue one of the worst forms of breakup there is), none of us wanna face the heart wrenching pain it causes.
And put a smile on your face and carry on doesn’t work.
And pat pat honey you’ll get over from folks too removed from your now to relate to doesn’t help.
And neither does the steamroll diva in your head you become demanding you shape up and move on.
What it feels like is that we can’t get a part of us back we weren’t ready to give up.
So this is me offering some ideas that have not only help me regroup but breathe and walk again.
And more, stop the unceasing pull to just suffocate pain with filler…you know the obsessive things we do to unhear and avoid our pain and our reaction to it.
No matter how foolish and inconceivable, healing from heartache about someone is really about being okay with you and being willing to nurture yourself enough to matter.
Even though that’s the last thing you wanna hear.
And I’m not talking “fix” you.
I’m talking breathe in your now.
Even though it sounds downright impossible and absolutely worthless and may just make you wanna shut off the computer and run.
We’re really good running from it and finding filler.
I sure am.
I’ve driven across country a bazillion times it seems.
I’ve binged and purged too many decades to admit. (try 2)
I’ve medicated and caffeinated and done a buncha not good obsessive behaviors with myself to the tune of never stand still in thought.
Anything to run away from the pain.
Anything to not face the blackhole emptiness.
Anything.
For a while I wasn’t willing to stand still, stop running, stop finding filler.
But I needed to be. And I finally stopped and stood still.
And my story is bit by bit starting to eek outa me 🙂 here a little and there a little.
But this post isn’t for that too much yet. More, this post is for this:
Getting whole within demands as much effort as you are willing to give it.
And it may well be the toughest commitment you ever make.
And it’s going to be easy day in and day out to want to give up and blow it off.
Because life doesn’t stop.
Demands don’t lessen.
And try to go about your days empty and you become numb.
So.
If you’re done with numb…
If you’re done with empty…
If you’re done with mindlessness…
If you’re oober honest and ready to dump the filler…
If you’re ready for 24/7 courage that’s the deepest kind….
Here’s what I want to offer.
You are not a wasted excuse of existence.
You are not screwed up.
You are not a worthless soul who doesn’t matter.
You are not a disaster.
You are this moment okay.
And you are this moment worthy of breathing.
And you are this moment a thinking being who is existing.
I want to jump through the pages and tell you you are worth trying.
But my saying it won’t mean a thing if you don’t believe it.
My saying it will sound like smothering mothering.
But I will offer that if you stand still and slow down the tsunami of thoughts barraging you and causing you to condemn yourself, you will at least calm down.
And you must start there.
You can’t regroup, get whole, fix you any other way.
All other ways are filler.
Try as ever you are able to stop the thoughts.
Slow the thoughts down.
And stand still in thought this moment.
And keep standing still.
And take as many deep breaths as you need to to stand still.
And calm down.
The world hasn’t ended.
You are not a wasted existence.
You are not.
You feel those things but you are not.
Take moments to stand still in thought.
I often rock myself.
I sit in a ball on the floor and wrap my knees to my chest and rock myself.
Stop all the what if’s and future guessing.
Stop all the past regret and painful hurts.
Stop all the how come’s and why’s and how much you wished something would have gone differently.
Stand completely still….
And if you can’t, keep trying.
You can.
And this isn’t about what’s next or what you should or could do next.
This is simply standing still and getting calm.
And this isn’t about read this post and tap your finger and yell back “I’m there dammit now what.”
Because getting still is the whole point.
Get there.
Stay there.
And keep staying there.
You can do this.
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Feedback:
If you read this post and find anything helpful, I’m grateful.
Let me know in the comments.
If you read this post and have further questions, please be in touch either below or see my contact info.
If you wanna know more, I hope you’ll be in touch.
You’re gonna not just get through whatever it is.
You’re gonna breathe without panic and get to the next hour without emptiness.
You are surely worth that.