Are you empowered or deflated the moment you’re being criticized?
Think about it: think about the last time someone criticized you, even a well meaning person.
Think about the last time you condemned yourself.
Why are we so fascinated by headlines that read “you’re doing it wrong.”
Why are we so quick to point out what’s wrong with someone else’s
~ appearance
~ choices
~ relationship
~ way s/he runs her/his business?
What makes us grab for that list of the 10 ways that define it more?
It’s easier to find what’s wrong than see and defend what’s good because
… we are obsessed with external appearance and the way things look.
…we are prone to believe what our physical senses see immediately.
…we aren’t trained to look for the substance of something just whether or not it appeals to our senses.
Often the what’s going well is harder to define because it demands we…
- dive deep in our thinking
- not get duped by the surface appearance
- and look for the substance of something.
And this? Takes much… It demands
- a desire to try
- actual effort to listen.
- a willingness to look past the surface of what things look like.
- a valuing of individuality as much as our choices or agendas we walk around with.
In this poem I share about a neighbor who has a garden extraordinaire.
But no matter how you compliment her creations she verbally comments with self condemnations
- What’s she’s still thing to get right
- What’s not working
- What’s always taking her so long
- What never happened
Most probably would stop complimenting her.
It’s off putting when we take moments to compliment someone and then they disregard or negate it.
Isn’t it?
Maybe to the surface listener.
But to the one who searches for depth and the substance of something or someone, I sense in her a deeper struggle of perfectionism.
And I know well that thought battle.
So I will keep on pointing out what’s good what’s working what’s truly heist idyl about her flower bloomings.
But there’s more to the poem.
Take a listen…
I will keep on complimenting my neighbor’s wonderful creations.
I know well that when a woman has created something as magical as her garden is and she constantly complains about it, she’s struggling with a depth of perfectionism that’s imprisoning her ability to see the beauty.
And I will continue to be a little tap on the should that maybe someday will gently sink into her thinking that what she has created is magical.
My grandmother was this way.
She decorated in ways that left you speechless.
She designed and built homes the towns talked of for years.
She hosted parties people spoke of for decades.
But get her to notice one ounce of the beauty she created?
And she always found something to complain about it all.
She was not a particularly kind individual to most.
She often criticized the slightest compliment…
Or whatever you were wearing.
Or however you decorated your room or home.
I believe some of the most brilliant minds are so preoccupied with how it could be better they miss the magic they’re creating along the way.
I know I don’t consider myself a ‘brilliant mind” but I have spent several years stuck in the thought battle of perfectionism…in self condemning and abuse.
And now that I’m freer from its stronghold, I’m able to notice the good and the beauty of what I’m doing well and what is working, and not get stumped by what isn’t.
And I so desire to help you focus on what’s good about your now and what’s working for you too if that could help.
If you struggle internally with constant self condemning…
And if you never know how to get away from those thoughts so you engage in self harming or numbing behaviors as a mental escape…
I welcome you fill out the contact tab to the right and be in touch.
Let’s roll up the thought sleeves and start to help you find a way to focus on the good you are about now.
No one but me reads those contact forms.:)
I am a team of one:).
It’s too easy to find what’s wrong.
Let’s stretch ourselves and do what’s more difficult.
Let’s keep on digging for the true substance of you your work your life.
Let’s find what’s working, what’s going well, what’s good.
They’re everywhere these moments of meaning.
Til soon, thank you for being here and for taking a moment of meaning with me.
So much gratitude for you and your thought by thought footstepping…following Love’s nudge every step of the way,
Tre ~