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Reflections on a Sunday ~ Healing Self Hatred

Struggling to Bloom 4.28.08
Image by kmevans via Flickr

This is the first in a Sunday series of setting the tone for the week ahead and days to come.

I’ve always had a passion for finding the good in someone, zeroing into it, celebrating it, valuing that individual, either from afar or more directly to them in words or deeds.

This just has kinda always been a trait of mine. My uncle actually used to giggle when I’d write a note to him on a birthday card. “Tre always makes me feel so much better than I really am.” I used to laugh when he’d say that.

But just as I’ve had this knack for finding good in others, to my own detriment, I’ve had a pattern of being heinously cruel toward myself. Beyond cruel. I’ve battled years and years of self loathing and condemnation to the point of some very severe self abuse which I plan to write more about this year.

And I’m pretty sure of where that self hatred comes from, what matters more to me for this post than drumming up a diagnosis is this:

At any given moment, we can turn off that self loathing voice and tune into that voice that seeks to savor the good we are about.


Let me restate that:

At any moment, we can get into our thoughts, redirect them, and silence the blarings of condemning and accusation and dumping on ourselves and tune into striving to see the innate good that bases our being.

Ways of thinking are habitual.

Bad habits can be broken.

Self loathing and self hatred are bad habits, nothing more, and yet, we don’t live in a culture that empowers us to recognize the imperative necessity of instilling the value of loving ourselves and healing self hatred. We live amidst a culture that wants to ignore inner pain and suffering because it’s too uncomfortable to discuss, because it’s at times an unnavigable discussion, and because it’s not easy to hear the inner battles of people who we may never have known we’re suffering.

Well guess what?

That’s not okay to me.

And really hasn’t ever been I just haven’t known how or where to talk it up and discuss it in order to help others find some comfort in ways I have in hopes of complete healing for all.

Because healing is possible.

For the right now, I want to offer one thing that has helped me a million times over squelch the self loathing ruminating going on in my thoughts:

Resolve to disagree.

I mean this as clear as I write here.

You may squawk at this tool. You may sneer and accusingly cackle “Who do you think you are telling me to disagree with the accusations? I do suck. I am horrible. I should have never done x, y, z. I’m an absolute idiot and I want to own that. I want to hate myself. I want to feel disgusted with myself forever. And how can you say I’m not? Look at all the shit I’ve done to hurt myself!!! And even when I resolve to stop hurting myself I do it over and over again? See? Don’t tell me I’m not stupid. I’m an absolute f__k-up.”


I’m not buyin’ that argument.

And more, I don’t think you are either.

But hey, if we keep hating ourselves then that’s a really good excuse to justify why such and such hasn’t changed yet or why we’re still stuck or why certain dreams of ours haven’t been fulfilled.

In fact, convince ourselves we’re worthy of self hatred and you can see a whole decade go by where not a single one of your choices was really all that productive.

Been there/done that.

And as clear as I sit here blogging this piece, I’m nowhere near as free as I seek to be and as free as I know is possible.

But I’ve come a long way, a long enough way to know that self hatred is the most heinous enemy that we will ever face and more, it can be pulverized down to nothing in the battle field of our thoughts.

The first step:

Resolve to disagree.

I don’t care if this finds you saying no out loud 24/7 to yourself in private or public.

No. That is not true.

No. That is not true.


Because it’s not, and will never be and you are not a victim to sabotaging condemning beliefs.

You are a complete idea, an expression of the universal intelligence that governs and maintains all.

And you are innately good.


So this is just the start of what I hope will continue into a series of ways to combat and squelch self loathing and hatred and how I’ve triumphed hugely much over this inner warfare.

But vital to me is to begin discussing it openly and offer tools that have helped me.

Resolving to disagree with the self hatred opens the door for other options.

You are not a victim ever of the beliefs arguing around in your thoughts and they do not control you.

You can resolve this moment to disagree with the condemnings.

Just choose to and begin.

“No, that is not true about me.”


But vital.

And doable…this moment. Thought by thought.

Right here if you need help or hand holding or any kind of dialogue that will support you.

Hugging you hugely for caring enough about YOU to give yourself this gift.

Beyond time to liberate you from the self hatred that’s imprisoning your voice.

Resolve to disagree.

With deepest respect and conviction in the WHO YOU ARE and WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT…

Tre ~

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