A spontaneous poem…
Where am I going ?
When I’m heading over there…
And along the way…
Something within speaks:
“No love bug, not there.”
Where am I going?
When on the way to then…
Something within me says:
“Stop waiting for someday when”
Where am I going?
When in the middle of stepping
I feel timid and shy…
like everything is uncertain…
Where am I going?
when my process feels outdated
when that ache within keeps echoing:
“We’ve been here before, haven’t we lady?”
See …
It’s that ache of unknown
amidst doing things the way I’ve done them…
That makes me feel
I have to stop
Though stopping makes me feel like I’ve come undone again…
And fear will have me cling
to whatever is familiar…
Or get enmeshed
in an area
or a process
or a system …
even further …
as if to trap me further
in doing things the way I’ve done them…
as if security comes from
what is familiar…
All the while knowing full well
Love is saying
“No honey, not that way again”
And ownership of
property…
or a title…
or status…
Or the things we think we must have…
can’t possibly give more security
or stability
or safety
When you know
that way is not the way…At last
To be doing
To be living
To be being
this existence…truly
“So when and where then?” which way does the deep ache actually mutter or whisper…
And in the fear of uttering it,
it is actually vulnerability we must face…
For facing the fact I haven’t a clue which way to step next isn’t weakness…
But rather is it deep honesty that may finally be admitting its meekness…
And so it is that these steps that once seemed so definite are paused…
And so it is that we are no longer trudging ahead but being okay to sit still because…
Honesty begs me not maintain a stage
Of props of seem to be living what right life ought to look…
Of statuses of what good woman ought to appear
Of beliefs of what a deep spiritual thinker ought to feel…
And how fitting too that amidst standing up to the pulls that so want to trap me again
I find myself in a setting that’s always cradled my transitions…
This poem then is both admittance and advocacy too…
That if you find yourself wanting to resist
the pulls of same old same old
you allow yourself to
And if you find yourself stretching for any other tangible way
That you allow your precious heart stand still and defend
“everything is and will be okay…”
Allow the asking
Allow the stretching
Open heart to what could be possible without second guessing…
Mother Love is enveloping me
and all of us
as Hers after all
And Father Truth is insisting
we are free now
of all that is limited and mortal
And really all we are letting go of are the structures and strictures of belief…
That would try to hold us in staccato existence
or worse
Individuality suffocate
Let the tears flow
Say farewell to what was
Thank her deeply still
She was after all a friend for years
And hug the hope she gave
of a sense of true purpose
But hug your heart most of all
that once and for all
you are finally saying no
to a seem-to-have-it all-figured-out-existence…
Love you precious one…
Spontaneously poemed from the parking lot of a trader joes
Somewhere in south or east Dallas
Bc I pray anywhere I am and today I needed to pen
I have no history in this zip code here
And I know no one tis true
But Im determined to stop allowing myself be afraid of what I must let go of and what I hope you will too…
My heart to yours…
huggabuggas …
Tre ~
oxoxo