Thought by thought . . .

Dear Emm Reddy,

I hope this note finds you feeling happy and fulfilled.

I’ve wanted to write for some time now and wish you well.

I need to apologize for a few things…it’s true.

There are a few matters I need to clear up with you.

Several years ago, you invited me to come.

And back then I had to face some other what seemed very important responsibilities and I just wasn’t able to let those go.

And I think a few months back you came by to check in. But …I was not able to answer the door, I was cleaning and going through things to sort and pitch them….

A few weeks ago when you came by you may have knocked but I had earbuds on and was listening to sound bath to comfort my heart…a sort of music meditation.

And just the other day, I heard you knock I believe. but startled by the banging I went to the back room, found a closet to sit down in and began to take long breaths and breathe….

The pattern I see over and over again is that when you come knocking and expecting I run away my friend…

Yet another pattern I see too is that I hold these excuses I always want to share with you….of why I didn’t answer and why I couldn’t meet up and why I hope to embrace your greeting next time but maybe why I will not.

Noticing this pattern and the reasons or explanations or justifications for them, I wanted to ask you to please forgive me….I probably should have by now spent more time with you…yet I am healing still and I guess in those times felt unable to.

But I would like to propose an idea and see if it’s okay with you.

What if instead of coming by unexpected you let me reach out when I wish to connect?

Maybe you will wonder “but when?’

Maybe also you will remind me “you’ve said this before and didn’t follow through then either.”

But I wonder if we could try again unless that’s selfish of me, in this effort to do what I must and be true to my me.

I apologize that up til now it doesn’t appear I’ve been able to face you.

But I am wanting to shift what it is I’m assuming you’re expecting of me to do.

Maybe you just wanna remind me as I am I’m okay.

Maybe you just wanna show up to brighten my day.

Maybe you just wanna share time together so it’s a comfort to you.

I know I just want to be real not perform fine or seem perfect whenever we connect whatever we do.

Thank you for being patient with me all this time.

M Reddy? You’re a true friend, surely one of a kind.

My heart with yours, til I see you soon,

Tre