It knocks on the door of thought first thing, when we’re conscious as we arise in the morning.
It lures and looms perhaps the last thing that knaws on us before we sleep…
Namely: the angst with knowing: there’s still that thing we need to resolve..that thing we need to decide…
if only…
…if only
we could figure. out. HOW….
how…to…DECIDE.
how…to…CHOOSE
how…to…KNOW…
and how to STAND IN THAT KNOWING.
and then how to STEP INTO THAT KNOWING.
and then, yes there’s more, how to just BE. at PEACE. in that knowing.
Really, for me, the true desire…perhaps more than the decision itself.
…having that sense of calm….of peace…in the standing and stepping into the knowing.
Okay.
So often, making a choice….choosing…deciding… does give that breather room.
But of late?
I’m yearning for more.
I want the whole monty.
I want the peace BEFORE….WHILE….DURING… (I’m a demanding one aren’t I?)
I want the peace in the process.
To me soo much more the whole point. 🙂
So, to that end, I’m learning so much about valuing this one small thing: simply this:
the fear that blares or whispers or even weighs or pokes….that it in and of itself, can’t dupe me.
This quiet knowing?
Huge victory.
Why?
Because if I know that fear can’t dupe me, I’ll keep on keeping on.
In whatever small and simple way.
In whatever huge and biggie way.
I’ll keep on.
I’ll keep on because I get that fear comes to distract, sway, paralyze.
It comes to doubt, second guess, deny my right to peace.
It comes to be denied.
and often?
this denial?
happens in thought first.
Where no one but me sees it or knows it.
Where I can’t run from it.
Where I can’t hide from it either.
And how does one brand that? show that? or share that, really?
Not sure.
Not when it’s happening.
But.
I’m learning.
I can live that silent victory.
I can cherish that hmm calm when I’ve squelched the fear.
I can hug my heart when I’ve walked anyway, through it, proving it powerless.
And I can rally and hug the hearts of everyone also trying to do likewise.
And then?
When the silent knowing kinda trickles off?
And the victory feeling becomes familiar?
I can do it all over again. 🙂
And little by little, thought by thought, mastered fear becomes living triumph.
And that’s a story worth living.
How bout you?
How are you celebrating each triumph over fear?
Would so value knowing.
And surely if you wanna nudge and a listening ear to help support your desire to triumph, do be in touch.
Thanks for being here.
Truly.
Hugs.