I drove around yesterday doing errands.
Effortlessly.
Just a few years ago?
Driving down that road frightened me.
But it wasn’t that road.
It was the fact that I was feeling desperately alone.
And I was panicked over how much I couldn’t get it together to feel calm.
Anywhere.
No matter how much I tried.
Yesterday?
I noticed I was no longer panicking when I drive down this road.
Why?
Simply this: I’m no longer afraid of facing my now. without running away.
I used to panic over how to be. okay. in my right now.
So much so that I avoided being still.
I avoided standing still. in thought.
I ran away mentally, whether online, or busying myself doing errands I really didn’t have.
Or running another 5 miles when I’d just run earlier that day.
Or the day before.
Or walking the dog yet again.
Or texting non stop.
Or searching the internet ceaselessly.
Anything to keep my thoughts moving.
Because standing still meant facing now.
And my sense of now back then felt horribly empty.
And I panicked that I wouldn’t be able to heal ‘horribly empty’ feeling.
So first there was panic over not wanting to face my now.
And then there was panic I wouldn’t be able to heal feeling horribly alone and afraid of standing still.
Recipe for mental stewing and running around, surely.
Unless…..
We can stop ourselves in the midst of the mental running and give ourselves permission to stand still….
And face it
The panic.
What?
Did she really say give myself permission to face my panic.
Yep.
Why?
Because so I’m learning, the only way to fully and finally squelch fear…see what it’s antagonizing and figuring out why it’s reasoning will never be accurate…is to do exactly that: face it. not run from it. not avoid it. not pretend or seem it’s not suffocating.
but rather.
stare at it.
undress it.
stand with it.
look it straight in the eye and realize that the very facade it’s taunting is not and will never be…us.
Now….
I know.
You’re gonna argue I don’t have time.
I can’t.
I don’t want to.
I’ll be fine.
I just ‘stay busy.’
Kay.
And then I’m gonna ask you: how has staying busy healed that ache?
How has mentally stewing healed the emptiness?
Oh. I see.
You’ve just convinced yourself you gotta ‘just deal’ with that ache and run around anyway?
Is that it?
Well guess what.
Me too.
But not anymore.
No matter what, of late and for the past little while, I’ve been really adoring insisting I’m not gonna be made fear’s pawn anymore.
I’m not it’s show girl.
I’m not it’s toy.
I’m not gonna host it for another second.
I’m not it’s shadow, it’s honey do, it’s yes woman.
No.
I’m Love’s expression just like you.
and the only way to full on exude that modus operandi is to squelch the fear.
So….
I know it can seem biggie huge.
I know it can seem there’s zero way you will ever master all of it.
Forget biggie huge and all of it.
Stay soooo about the right now.
Fear is nothing more than a just suppose for one single second you ….me…any of us….can be separated from innate good we’re about.
And we can not.
So.
When it comes, you’ve done nothing wrong.
The whole point of each moment is to rally and fight through it and defend what is our true source and that’s what we are about.
Not fear.
But Love.
Now I know you’re probably gonna say “but I’ve tried and it doesn’t work for me.” or “But I dunno how.”
Kay.
Me too.
So I used to think.
But you can. I can. We all can.
Our thoughts naturally respond to love.
And all it ever takes is one moment to shift from responding to fear to getting sooo still we can exude love.
Now?
I drive down that street so fully thinking about other things I dont even ‘see’ what it was that used to knaw at me.
But it’s not cause the street became more familiar.
It’s cuz I don’t feel separate from Love one iota anymore.
See?
Totally cool. 🙂
Big luvs to you.
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Wanna chat about any of the above?
That’s why I’m here.
Get in touch. Email. Call. Skype. Phone. Whatever way.
We can have a simple chat.
And you can feel out if you wanna work together.
You are soo worth being able to squelch the fear, hug your heart, and respond to that inner nudge that wants you to be true to you.
Big hugs….