Evolving who you want to be = being her now

Hey…how you? Been thinkin’ about a lot that you told me ….about how there’s so much that you want and need to do and feel compelled to achieve and how overwhelmed you feel in the process…how you are perpetually asking how do I get there from here…when the gap feels greater than the span from ground level to the peak of Mt. Everest.

I know you gained much just in venting those needs and desires.

I want to “butt in” though and offer some thoughts, albeit unsolicited, in order to help you see a few things:

1. You’ve already started evolving who you want to be, just through admitting where you see yourself, what you see for your life.

Remember a few things: while it seems like there’s a lot of baggage still, of memory, of history, of patterns you still want to break, you do see things for yourself.

Hold to those. Write them down. Journal them. Paint them. Blog them.

What you see for yourself either as qualities, as attributes. Not so much as labels, status symbols or positions. While those may come, hone in right now on the qualities and attributes. Those can be expressed this moment. And a life of perpetual expressing those qualities will inevitably bring in the good you seek.

But even penning that statement felt weighted down. Don’t concern yourself with a life’s worth…it’s too huge, too unmappable, too grandiose.

Scoop up your favorite journal or your laptop or your sketch book or your canvas or record your voice…but express tangibly all the qualities and attributes you wish to live, be on a consistent basis. And if you can’t think of any, close your eyes, picture the type of life you see for yourself. Ask yourself: “In these moments of thinking about what kind of life I want to live, what qualities am I expressing? What attributes am I living?”

Write, paint, record, blog, this list of qualities. Keep this list visible and handy. If you write it as words, consider cutting up the page into slips of reminders and posting them wherever there’s a gap on a wall, on a mirror, over the kitchen sink, on a pantry door.

If you paint it, hang it on a mirror so you can look at it instead of your reflection for a while.

Make a mobile and hang it over your bed.

Flood your atmosphere with these thoughts. This will serve to keep them in the forefront and nudge you to remember you are already living several of them. 🙂

2. There’s a few tangible steps you can take right now, today, to feel like something is moving forward.

Okay. This one’s a weeding out, a spring cleaning of the heart if you will. Necessary and liberating and will really boost your sense of taking charge.

Right now, as you read this, you are holding onto things. Moreso are the things representing thoughts so lemme start there. Right now as you read this you can answer this statement with a few things or with a laundry list.

Here’s the statement:

“Well, some day that may come in handy.”

or better still…”Well, someday I might need that.”

Time for utter honesty:

Open up every drawer, pantry, closet, and container you own.

Pull out whatever you’ve been hanging onto for ‘someday.’

Give yourself permission to pitch.

This includes: any ‘thing’ you were gonna teach yourself how to use: a sewing machine, a guitar, an expresso maker, a scrapbooking kit, whatever.

You need to be utterly honest with yourself. If you have not used this item in the past 6months to a year, you need to give it wings. (unless it’s an heirloom or unless you truly intend to start using it but for whatever reasons you have had to postpone doing so).

I have done this at least a dozen times.

This first time, the hardest thing to let go were –kidd you not–dollies I’d grown up with.

Hard for a few reasons. I held onto them for the babies I will have some day. And I held onto them out of guilt because of hearing time and again from my mother “Save those for your babies.”

Reality check: I don’t as yet have babies. These dollies (about 30 or more) took up a lot of room. Yes many were antiques. Yes many of them had individual meaning. Solution: I chose 5, mailed them to a childhood close friend who has 2 daughters, invited her to allow her daughters to enjoy them (and in this way kinda asking her to save them for me incase I’d ever want them).

The other 25 went to a few local day-cares.

Completely liberating. This not only didn’t give up my hope of being a mom someday, but it shed my mental closet of heaviness–of hanging onto something and allowing my sense of life to hold onto a potential unknown.

Another toughie to get rid of–simply because it meant over-riding a relative’s judgment, and til recently that has been hard for me: about 10-20 black tie outfits, semi formal dresses, or just dressy suits in general I’d kept closeted..not quite as bad as that movie “27 dresses” but still. I hadn’t worn any in over 3 years.

Letting those go did not mean “I am never going to get dressed up again.” It did mean: I want fresh options, I don’t want to be boxed into wearing what someone else thinks I ought to (most black tie gowns were given to me–another story–by relatives on the eve of whatever event I was to wear something dressy for).

I gave all of these outfits to friends during a get together one evening at my apartment. One of my friends sings opera and needed fresh options for performance attire. Another attends formal, dressy functions regularly. The ones no one wanted but were in good condition I donated to a woman I’d met when I was cleaning houses. She knew several woman with daughters. I knew they’d go to good use.

But the point: holding onto anything out of ‘I may use it someday” is draining. Every time you look at the item, you have a thought that isn’t proactive. It’s actually detractive because it anticipates unknowns.

I’ll add that I’ve so cleansed my wardrobe, I’m down to what I wear. If I need something, I go find it at a consignment store or a regular store, but always with the intention of giving it wings. I don’t hold onto anything anymore out of thinking it’s a cherished keepsake. And while my fluid practical style may not be yours, letting go of what you are not using will help you feel you’re gaining present ownership of your right now moments.

3. Perspective….you need to refuel each moment with it. It’s never going to be about peaking daily. You have each footstep to take. Acknowledge what you are doing even if it means writing it down.

For me this means making an honest commitment to review each day and take a look at how I’m doing expressing the qualities I want to on a more regular basis. Self reflection is so vital but balance it out with gentleness for when you may flub up.  I continually record ‘Note to self: remember to —” …usually it says “Remember to breathe and have fun” because I’m not as playful or spontaneously childlike as I’d prefer to be.

So there you go…just some thoughts I had in following up to our conversation. How does any of this sound to you? What feels practical and doable in terms of the weeding out? What feels still overwhelming?

You know you can offer a comment and I’ll be right there to respond with what’s worked for me or with some more questions you’ve made me consider.

Til our next sharing, be well…and have fun sifting. 😉

Hugs, Tre