Hey…how you?
The lonelies…they kinda creep up into thought sometimes…..sometimes hanging out for a fleeting moment, other times diving in for a full season..so it would seem.
They tend to beckon me come hither when I’m in the midst of some major…well, for me anyway, major transitions….
They wear lots of different disguises..
–sometimes the cloak of teenage-dom when I’d spend every last afternoon with headphones on doing homework to Journey’s Escape or Styxx or Boston or any other cool guy band.
–sometimes the cloak of highschool during daily 3 hour dance/drillteam practice…when being a part of a team was like everything, like ya know, important, like in life and stuff.
–or in the memories of my first boyfriends….one who taught me to ride a motorcycle…another who taught me to mountain bike up and down a mountain.
–or in memories of times my dad and I went boating and I watched him scuba with his buddies from 150ft up above while I’m snorkeling…
–or in memories of the decades I taught middle school …and the day in and day out connections with so many wonderful budding lives.
I could list a gazillion more disguises they wear…but they always follow this pattern: they play this video memory saga filled with emotion and music and pawn this narration that tends to blare “you were happier then.”
And a few things happen as a result if I start watching those mental films.
Yeah, I have good memories, but what follows can be this enormous empty pang, a definite loneliness that kinda pines for the past in a way that leaves me feeling really achey.
Not the people, not even the scenes…that pining for the past tends to just pull thought to believe there’s security in that familiar scene..where the days and times and schedules and people were just givens…only they weren’t then, that’s the whole lie of the dream…and the ploy of the lonelies….
Sometimes, I will have a good long cry even….before I kinda grab hold of myself and remember what is true for this current moment.
Here’s the thing: the lonelies really loathe truth. And they tend to suffocate under affirmations of truth too. And while I’m not pretending to forecast the future or predict inevitable anything, what I can affirm and attest with absolute conviction is the certainty of my life and my desire to do good and to help humanity in that pursuit.
And while sometimes the major goals and dreams I have aren’t always mappable in a grandiose outline, the hour to hour is and can be to the degree I stay completely focused on the right now. And this demands really resisting the pulls and impositions of ‘the lonelies.
I know it can seem like they are this real powerful force. But they’re not. Not really. The lonelies, the sads, the angries, the resentfuls, the regrets….all ‘the negatives’….they just parade around in thought trying to cling to something, anything.
- You can refuse to buy in.
- You can refuse to listen to their pitch.
- You can refuse to consent to their pulls.
It’s sometimes really hard because the pulls can be intense.
But to the degree you turn your back to their pulls, and really insist on the validity of your now, your moment this moment, eventually, those pulls will stop having such a strong impact.
And eventually they’ll go away altogether.
There’s nothing wrong with reflection on cherished keepsakes and memories that make up the beautiful canvas or quilt of your life.
But it’s not honest to think ‘things were better when’….
All of our right now moments have just as much potential for beauty, joy, music, laughter, dance, song, glee, peace, whatever we define happiness as, as did our past moments.
One of the ways that I heal the pull of the lonelies aside from asserting the truths I’ve shared here, is to write. And writing helps me keep my thoughts focused on the right now, even if I’m writing a memory or thinking about something from the past.
Of late I’ve been really making a conscious decision to keep thought focused on the right now. And every 1/2 hour I check myself. And if my thoughts have veered, I just jump right in there and shake them up a bit and steer them right back to the now.
I know it’s not always that simple. Believe me. I totally have felt drowning in a sea of tears, more often than not when I’m missing someone I deeply love.
But just as convinced I am about how great an impact that individual has had on my life (of late I was missing my grandfather who passed away 5 years ago), so too am I convinced on the present good available this moment..in my right now, no matter if there’s a lot of people in my life or not.
We each have access to good thoughts, substantial thoughts..of peace…of hope….of love…of deep lasting joy….24/7…
How open we stay mentally will influence much our receptivity to good that flows.
Try it…over the next few days…start to gauge where your thoughts are each hour. Try especially when you’re doing errands, driving, or doing anything where thoughts tend to wander.
Become conscious of the present moment when you feel this pull to drift. Keep thoughts focused on your right now…and the good of your life, however you measure it. And even if you’d say “there is none,” find some anyway. It is there.
Time and again, I am touched by just how much there really is.
And I definitely see more of it when I’m not watching one of the lonelies flicks in my mind. 🙂