The nudge to receive love

There’s a fuzzy kurmudgeon curled up on the bed laying his head on my fleece. He’s snuggled in nap and looks warm, calm, content. I gaze at him and my eyes fill up with tears. I’m reminded in this moment of the constancy of love this little life hugs me with hourly. I wonder how I can move forward and not take that love for granted….not that I have.

But Berkeley does become a part of the background far too often than I’d like to admit–even while I’m often writing with him asleep on my lap or lying next to me The stuff I carry around with in thought daily finds me not intentionally but far too often pushing him into the back of my thoughts…where, of late, I’ve focused more on him when I’m attending to his needs than when we’re simply together.

Certainly, there’s no even scale if you measure how much time I spend walking and playing with him vs. how much time I spend focused on my work and my writing. And the list of promises that we’ll take a longer walk later or I’ll play fetch with you later are shocking if I think about it.

I don’t hope to love that way–conditionally–ever.

I don’t strive to only ‘tend’ to those I love, caring for their needs as if checking it off the to do list only to move on from affection and caring and tender awareness of their well being as if it only happens on occasion.

The who’s and the what’s I love are with me, surely, 24/7. It’s how I love. It’s who I am. But too often, especially of late, that fact hasn’t been demonstrative to my dog, to myself, really to many.

This is not to say I’m selfish or self absorbed naturally. But whoosh. Yeah, I’d say the past few years have found me preoccupied….with…self: in my work, in my relationships, in my life (more on why later, just trust me on this for now).

So, this morning as Berk and I began our walk, I felt him pulling me, eager to greet the day. But I was slipping and sliding over so much ice, I pulled back and yelled out “Hang on a sec Berk, I’m slipping.” He stopped, waited, trusting my tone of concern. He didn’t whine, tell me he didn’t have time to wait for me or scold me into hurrying up. He also didn’t cackle back “Of course you are. It’s always all about you isn’t it Tre?” (He didn’t have to. I was already there in my thoughts).

At one point I let go his leash so he could go on while I navigated a very icy climb up the hill to the sidewalk. And once there, he bounded over to me as if cheering my victory…all of maybe 100 yards.

How often is thought so filled with to do lists, regrets, scoldings, fears, doubts, — mental clutter—that we miss these bounding joyfilled embraces, we miss really being there with our loved ones..or even with ourselves because we’re checking off the list or trying to seem ‘about’ a purpose ‘stead of just being?

It’s worth thinking about. But not to beat yourself up.

Actually, in asking that, I’ve started also asking how can thought stay at any moment more fully present, aware, free to not only receive what’s outpoured but give it back as well?

I know I yearn to be better at receiving the bounty of good that’s ever available in any moment when thought lets go of ego, of will, of fear, of anger or resentment and focuses on surrounding beauty, light, stillness.

My precious Bichon’s constant adoration of me may well be a tender reminder 24/7 to stay very present, aware, open to receiving outpourings of affection from whatever and whomever they flow.

Surely I’ve seen that to the degree I halt the clamoring, rushing around mental scurmish going on in any day and really insist on keeping focus on the right now moments, I’m able to not only receive but pour forth..in my expectations of experiencing good, in my moment to moment fearless walk, in my hourly staying aware of Love’s constancy.

Thank you sweet lil Berkeley….for that ever ongoing reminder of Love’s tender embrace….for teaching me and pulling towards me and barking at me to stay open to it, accept it, and be ready to receive more.

You are a tender reminder of just how much I yearn to pour forth again….and will…an am.

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How do you keep thought in the present moment, ready to welcome surrounding good, recognize it in every passerby, share it openly, unreservedly yourself?

As always, thank for reading…and til next time, be well 🙂