The following snapshot glimpses the pulls and pangs of fear within…I offer this glimpse in order to share one of the modes of thought that I’ve healed time and again through “mommying me.” If you relate to the inner dialogue below and wanna chat about how to heal this kinda fear, contact me and let’s chat…thanks for being here.
Image by Greh Fox via Flickr
Am I?
Am I allowed to?
Am I?
How do I know?
I feel the nodding within.
But this question is looming large.
Am I allowed?
Where do I go for ‘for sure’ permission?
You know?
The absolute “Yes you can” that takes away all doubt, all question, and allows?
And see, if I get permission, then what do I do with her?
The little one within who is scared and needs a mommy?
She sometimes doesn’t want me to take permission.
She thinks it means leaving her.
And she panics over feeling alone.
But the woman within is beyond ready to live permission.
The child doubts.
The woman yearns.
The child clings.
The woman holds back to care for her.
What if there could be both.
Giving permission to ourselves.
Holding the child within.
Reminding her she’s coming too.
Helping her grow in such a way she knows she doesn’t ever have to become harsh bitter, cold, self serving, gruff, mean, off putting.
She seeks to love.
Yet…
In the waiting and dwelling, in the wondering where to obtain permission, she’s become so used to this one to one….the child and woman…the team….and she doesn’t want to let it go.
And she has a hard time sharing the ‘mom’ with others.
And the mom is torn because she wants the child so assured of her own safety, and so guaranteed of love, but most important of never being alone or neglected, because the mom knows she will never leave her….they are one.
So in a moment of calm, the child nudges “don’t let me go” and the mom says “I’m right here you’re coming with me.”
And they hug for a long time.
And the little girl starts to tear up..and the mom is already overflowing.
And at the same time they both exclaim ‘I dont wanna lose you.”
And they hold each other for a really long time.
And they look into each other’s eyes.
And they look out the window at the sky.
And they squeeze eachother’s hands so tight.
And they know…
This is how we grow…
