The constant on can at times pull thought…
Too-ing and Frow-ing in perpetual motion
Responding to lures, we neglect in a way
The yearnings deep within that we hushed a time ago one day
In order so we’d go on and do that role
And seem so ever in control
Of that role, and all it supposedly demands and needs
Might even be fair to say we served that role well indeed
What’s this role? You may ask…
Why the one of supposed to, should, and seem….that mask.
And yet…we have been told and shown
This is the right and the how and the must
The way to: “WOMANHOOD! OR BUST!”
And we’ve been faithful and strove ever so
To do and be how we must for, we convinced ourselves “Yep, that’s the way to go!”
Yet all the while knowing full well
“This doesn’t feel like my heart’s nodding, I can totally tell.”
So we stalled our listening to that yearning within….
“At least we’d get through our days doing what’s expected ….and that’s at least a win.”
Yet is it? when we look around and feel facade
No matter who’s thumbed up or nodded or ‘well done’d’ us or applauded?
But what then when we pause
To listen to the deeper yearning peeking out, whispering its cause
Its subtle at first, yet so real in other ways
It makes us stand still and pay heed to now, this moment, today….
For me its hard to describe this deep yearning…
Surely its one of fully on true being.
But it’s also more of a willingness to cease
the constant busy-ness that justified hushing its pleas.
For there was a time not that long ago
When listening to it frieked me out and drove thought to hither and fro
“What? me?”
Was part of the resistance
The deep yearning forecasted what may be not too far off in the distance
Yet I hushed it up and ran away
From facing it fully on and listening to what it had to say
And I proved really good at running from and ignoring its tug
Easy to not face it and plenty of other “shoulds’ or ‘supposed to’s’ to be ‘woman’ to stay busy on
But of late it’s just so bold,
Refusing to flinch to my attempt at “Ssshhhh! Not Now!” scold
In fact it’s long since figured out the game
Of hushing it’s pulls up with blame and shame…
“Who am I?
No one will care!
I’m not good enough…
Why should I dare?
I’m not ready!
I’m too late!
I prefer dwelling in that land of “lemme just see…and wait.”
Or these…..
“That? That’s for folks who REALLY know their stuff…
Me? I’m just, ya know, learning how and its rather tough!
I can’t yet assume what you want me to do…
So hush now be gone! Go back to the thought attic where I stored you….”
BUT! Even then, surely the deep true yearning found the key
She unlocked herself out of the trunk and the attic and even has come down the stairs with utmost certainty
“It’s time”
She beckons
“Right now, this day.
No more shunning or blowing me off…
While you ignore me and run away.”
Its time at once you insist on me, So
Here’s what I’m going to help you with
To keep the next steps in an harmonious flow….
“I’m going to hug you and hold you and insist you finally understand
You are forever safe, stable, serene, and lose none of your childlikeness by following my plan
You already have all you ever will need.
To flourish in this now task indeed.
Womanhood as oneness will never be all that you do out there but where you base thought eternally.
Womanhood as oneness is and forever will be
Your inheritance now, not someday when, surely.”
I listened….
I didn’t run….
I nodded….
At least for that day….
I am nodding with this ….
I know what I need to do
In order to be true
To me….
Or better said
Always known….
Just graciously now willingly
No more fight
No more fear
No more hiding
No more seeming, shoulding, scolding
accepting and believing I’m not good enough…
But
Still
Whole
Free
Loved
Now
….
Just me….being….true…
Ahh, oneness as womanhood.