I got a ticket the other day and boy did it shock the rocker offa me.
No joke.
I had zero idea I did anything wrong.
Emergency vehicle approached in opposite lane.
I knew immediately I must pull over and stop.
Nowhere to my right did I see anywhere safe to do so.
Further a patrol car sat right where would make sense to pull over. (Yes, he was in my way, imagine. 🙂 Kidding).
I saw a safe spot infront of him.
I proceeded around him and pulled over to the harmonic sounds of his blaring sirens. (Coupled with those of the emergency vehicle. Hardly a symphony).
Now immediately I start talking to myself:
“Tre, stay calm.
Tre, you have zero idea what you did wrong.
Tre, stay calm.
You are innocent in your heart.
This is a learning experience.
Hear what the officer says and handle it.”
(I’ve learned to self talk because to speak defiantly or defensively is a guaranteed no win with these situations. Officers are not interested in teaching so much as writing citations).
I’m cited for not just 1 but 2 things.
Ouch.
The first:
Failure to stop with an approaching emergency vehicle. (I know. I know. In my heart I’m saying “But….but…but…I DID stop. I just stopped when I thought I could get to a safe space to pull over which happened to be infront of you because your vehicle was in the way.” Oh, if only. But no. I didn’t say this out loud).
The second:
Passing in a no passing zone.
OMG WHAT??????
I know. True though.
In order to go around the patrol car (who was in my way remember 🙂 ) I had to go left a bit at which point my left tires tango with the double yellow line.
Recall: The patrol car in my way. I need to pull over. I have to drive around the patrol car, so I’m thinking.
Cop doesn’t see this line of reasoning at all and has zero problem citing me for 2 infractions.
He leaves.
It’s all over in a matter of 10 minutes.
I find anywhere to pull over to calm down.
And then the whole guilt feeling ensues.
I’ve stopped being in function to get through the situation mode.
And the emotions try to outpour.
The pull to cry is intense. I probably do water up some tears.
The ‘why me’ is incessant.
The “but I’m such an honest person.”
The “but I’m a good person.”
Then the extremes: I should sell the car, I don’t like driving, I miss walking in the city…
All of that.
It’s alllll knocking on thought just dying to enter my mental house and take over the apartment.
Ok.
I notice this onslaught.
And I rally.
The mom within reminds me to breathe, to calm down, and to dry the eyes.
I got out of the car and stared up at the sky.
The sun was brilliant.
The clouds were dancing.
The tree tops swaying.
I literally chose to calm down in that very moment and realized something:
“Tre, you can choose right this moment to cling to innocence or guilt.
Which is it going to be?”
I chose innocence.
Innocence doesn’t mean we don’t have lessons to learn.
Innocence qualifies motive and disposition and is our inherent nature.
Did I wake up intending to break traffic laws that day?
Surely no.
Choosing to steer thought steers the next steps
Hugging my heart in the conscious choice of innocence enabled my very next immediate reactions:
1. I photographed the scene with my iphone showing the median I could not pull onto and evidencing the narrowness of the 2lane highway. No way to pass a vehicle obstructing traffice without going into the left lane a bit.
2. I wrote out my defense: why I chose to do what I did.
3. I read the ticket fully and chose to check the box offering: ‘request a hearing.”
Because I can choose.
And all of that ….the reframe my thought, the calming down, and the proceeding with natural next steps?
All of that took about 30 minutes.
Choose How to Steer Our Thoughts
Here’s the whole point: In any moment, we can choose how we are steering thought.
Think: driving.
Think: slowing down for a stop.
Think: waiting at that red light for a minute.
In that very moment, we can choose how we are going to proceed: calm or intense; raring to speed up as soon as we see a green light or calmly ordered ready to slowly proceed.
The light turns green.
In that split second we choose our approach.
We then proceed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We sometimes don’t realize this but we’re steering thought (and driving our lives) in the same way we operate a vehicle.
We can choose how we are going to steer.
And we can choose how we are going to proceed and drive.
And how we drive right now this hour doesn’t have to be how we drive in the next few hours.
But we can choose the disposition we prefer to have…in every situation.
And that makes all the difference.
Loosen up the Grip
Recall the moment I asked myself “Tre, are you going to choose innocence or guilt here?”
Yes, I made an error of judgment with my driving choice that day…according to the officer.
Yet, I had a choice in that moment of feeling horrible.
I could have bemoaned and wailed within for hours about how horrible I was…that I should have known better…that I don’t have the funds to just throw them willy nilly at a ticket….that I should sell my car so I don’t have to risk getting a ticket (ridiculous I know, but not unthinkable…the extremes show up when we’re wallowing).
But instead, I loosened up the grip–the lure to cling–to the guilt.
And I say ‘grip’ because sometimes we cling to what’s familiar.
And usually when something goes wrong, in my past, I’ve not only blamed myself but I’ve become stuck in a rut of self condemnation, bigtime.
But watch.
By loosening up my grip and really not clinging to wallowing, I made productive choices.
Had I wallowed?
Had I allowed myself to give into the pull to feel like a stupid idiot naive dumb woman who shoulda known better?
I would not have had the clarity to make the practical choices I did to follow up (photographing the scene, writing out my defense, mailing in the ticket, etc).
Inspite of the pull to feel like a complete mess, I loosened my grip on guilt.
What can you loosen your grip on?
Let’s pause here for a second and lemme ask you:
Probe your heart deeply for the next five minutes.
What comes up most that you’d like to loosen your grip on?
And what shows up as the biggest resistance to that?
I’m not asking you to transform overnight so that days can feel like you’re swimming steada trudging.
But….what could you loosen your grip on just a whee bit?
Would so value knowing.
Big luvs….
And