Thought by thought….

I woke up this morning and something pulled at me saying ‘get to the blog..write a post…get there…write.” So here I am writing. A lot’s on my mind of late…primarily how to learn the technology I wish to to expand the scope and reach of my blog, partner with other like minded bloggers and continue to build a network of people who blog, twitter, post regularly and use their blogs, twitters, slideshares and other uses of social media to promote good in the world…to heal, bless, help, support, uplift, defend good.

I have a ton to learn to really get things rockin and rollin in that regard. And yet, what I tend to do–I’ve noticed–is think I’ve got so much more to learn instead of zero into the technological prowess and know-how I’ve already fine tuned and expanded in the past year.

To be true, my learning curve on any of this stuff is huge. To think that less than 2 years ago I didn’t even know what a blog was and now the maintaing one and writing thereto, the reading/ commenting on others’ and the accompanying learning from them makes up at least half of my day, often more.

But we can only pace as face as our thoughts and we can only move when our thoughts are free from fear of unknowns and not perfected abilities. I don’t want to admit this but I often get paralyzed in ‘but I don’t know how to do that.”

And the past week has found me grappling much with that.

There’s a lot i should back up and say but lemme just keep it brief: I know squat about self hosting a blog, a cpanel mine as well be the Russian language and I’m constantly feeling like with blogging you move an inch at a time ….but your thoughts and desires are flying miles at a moment.

Daily then I’m grappling with wanting to fly and soar and yet moment to moment in a very practical way I’m having to trudge through a ton of mud and I mean a ton and there’s days when I hardly feel I’ve moved an inch.

There’s much to be said for desire. It will move you through the thickest mud and over the highest mental mountain and it will make the thickest mental wall transparent.

Mary Baker Eddy writes “Desire is prayer and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in thoughts and deeds.”

So my desire is like huge … to master what technology can allow as far as promoting ideas and sharing content across the blogosphere.

But thereto, I’m still fine tuning my message. I’m still fine tuning the look/feel of my blog’s layout. Daily and sometimes hourly I’m learning of new widgets, new plug ins, new add-ons, and the intake of new information far exceeds what I’m able to turn around and master and have up and running on the blog.

But this is not a new feeling. In fact, it reminds me sooo sooo much of learning how to read. I seriously thought my sister was goddess of all goddesses when she’d sit on the couch and read to me aloud when we were like 4 and 5. Oh my goodness. She stared at these symbols on a page, made meaning with them and then poured them forth so effortlessly, I just convinced myself then and there that she was brilliant and I had to learn exactly what she knew and I needed to be able to do it exactly then.

Well, reality set in. I wasn’t learning reading in school at the time. So my sister began to teach me. And her way, so tender and dear, was very much like this:

“Look Tre. This is a letter and it’s an ‘r’ and it sounds like this. Do it.”

“Okay. And see this? this is an ‘e’ and with an ‘a’ it makes this sound ‘eeeeeeeeeee.’ Say it.”

“Okay. And this is a ‘d’ and it sounds like this ‘duh. duh. duh’ Okay say it.”

“Now read that word.”

And I gave her “eeeerrrrrr, eeeeeeeeee, duh.”

And she said, “Now say it all together faster.”

And I said “errrrrr, eeeee, duh.”

And she said, “Now say ‘read’ and I said, ‘read.’ And she said, “There. You know how to read.”

And then she continued her reading aloud.

And I think we learned a word each day like that.

But I don’t remember the fascination of realizing that some day soon I’d be able to decode the sounds and symbols she taught me. Golly when that happened, forget it, you couldn’t shut me up. (Funny how some things never change! 🙂 kidding!!!)

Seriously though, I’ve surrounded my desk area with a TON and I mean a TON of images of children around the age I was when I learned to read because they’re my daily reminders to BE GENTLE ON MY HEART with this desire. I’m teaching myself everything I can on my own, haven’t hired a web designer or life coach or blogging expert. And not saying I want to or won’t, just saying, this is about self teaching right now and I have to remember to have as much patience and tenderness with these footsteps as I would if I was teaching a four year old how to read.

So. For you. My whole point. If there’s something knawing at you that you wanna be an expert in yesterday, remember to pace with your heart…cherish that yearning and hold it close and don’t give up. No matter what. Your desire is prayer and as it’s honest and unselved it will fuel you with the what to dos whens, the next steps, the how to’s and the when not to’s. Just stay ever open and willing to learn and grow and let go of preconceived conceptions of what the outcome has to look like.

And trust this desire. Trust it is taking root, growing, and learning how to use it’s wings. No matter how slow you feel you’re going, you are progressing….because thought moves. And you live moment to moment and thought by thought. And the divine influence impelling your life forward is moving your thought so you can’t stay stuck even if you wanted to.

So. Gentle steps..hold your heart…run like crazy or walk. But don’t give up that desire. Have patience and let yourself learn as much as you need to. Be a sponge. Soak up everything and listen for what you need and don’t.

And have fun. Even though it’s thick mud. Even though your feet are stuck and you feel like you’re sinking. Close your eyes. Try to remember what it felt like to read. You don’t even remember probably how awkward it all felt at first. Try….and then realize that pretty soon whatever you’re trying to learn right now will be as natural and easy as brushing your teeth.

Gotta scoot. The Berkeley needs a walk! 🙂 (my Bichon). Have fun with your learnings….thought by thought…:)

Tre ~