What a gift the warm thrust of wind and air bring today! Unseasonably warm breezes engulfed me during a typical walk of my Bichon, and I felt a gentle touch in my heart nudging and saying “honey, you’re okay’….I get these from time to time…to me they’re tender embraces from the divine Mother Love, a constant presence ever guarding, guiding, protecting, truly basing our being.
It’s not that I was feeling particularly ‘not okay’ or nervous or unsure about anything, well, not really.
What I have been feeling is a ton of anxiousness coupled with overwhelmed-ness as well. There’s much I’m trying to teach myself about using 2.0 practically and efficiently to both engage and promote my work with like thinkers/doers in the blogosphere.
So while it’s exciting and invigorating as heck and while I’m always eager to learn and teach myself how to’s, I haven’t always mapped out a timeline or road map or said ‘Tre by this date you need to be here.” And the result is the constant feeling you should be further along than you are paralleled with realizing how much you’ve done already.
Some of this learning is immediate (how to configure an account with say Facebook), some of it takes a bit figuring out (how to tweak my blog template, and I KNOW I KNOW the navigation area is not set up right….yet! ) ? and some takes far more patience: ie: which of the many social networks do I really need to be a part of (this weekend I learned about Bebo, Xanga, Orkut, imeem, Habbo, and hi5) to name a few…
So what I’ve done pretty regularly is paused….defended my oneness, breathed in a lot of patience and perserverence, and set forth to learn what I need to at a practical pace. (I study regularly Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy for how’s to’s on prayer and practical spirituality).
Sounds more hummin’ along than it’s been however.
And while I won’t ramble about the particulars, I’ve been rather ornery and impatient over one very small simple thing: my internet connection. It’s been wonky, hit or miss, and touch and go for about a month while I’ve been pretty mobile. Now that I’m settling in, thoughts advance from whether or not I’ll find a signal that day to which provider to go with.
I’ve been rather giddlily spoiled becoming accustomed to AT&T’s 3G network. LOVE IT! If you had no plans to buy an iphone or are waiting for whatever…DO NOT. Go. Get one. Instant internet anywhere.
One small problem. AT&T hasn’t packaged this for home computers yet. Not really. You can go get an external internet card which looks like a thumb drive for the tune of $60/ month. But where I’m living doesn’t get a strong signal, not on my iphone. And I can’t wing it with my regular internet connection. It is a fabulous deal though for folks always on the go. And I beg AT&T to hurry up and figure out a way we can access 3G with some kind of ‘regular’ way—like through apple’s airport or time capsule.
And forgive me if I’m saying any of that wrong. But 3G is as awesome as the days when instead of picking up cell phone coverage in JUST big cities, you started getting a signal ANYWHERE. Golly I so dug that! And I dig this big time too. We’ll see. I may just splurge and get the internet external drive.
But back to my mood and overcoming it.
All of the options have been straightforward in terms of internet providers. What’s going on in my emotions and thinking however hasn’t. I’ve been excited but exasperated, ready to explore a few different options but more than ready to land it, know it’s a done deal and be on with life.
Part of this exasperation comes from feeling more than burned out from winging it (as a very mobile life style invites but you eventually grow leery of). Part of the frustration has come from being used to completely modern and instant (3G) and having to go ‘backwards’ it seems with connecting to the internet via a modem, ethernet wire and cable.
But far more than any of this, what’s eating at me moreso is deeper. I’ve been giddy to have returned to a place I adore. But so too have I been frustrated I ever left. And when you dwell, you get caught up in the unproductive “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s”…and these are mental traps.
So today, walking the Berkman (my Bichon), as I felt that hug of warm air engulf me, and as I felt that nudge from Mother Love reminding me I’m okay, I took several moments to pause, commit my thoughts to the right now. No going back. No speeding forward. Thoughts will try to veer in those directions. Often. Grab the steering wheel and keep a mental steady on coarse.
How I do this hourly is to pause and regroup and align my thinking to the divine Being that is going on. This all power, all presence and all knowing divine Mind is holding each one of us in constant clarity and full expression. Every single one of us is already a complete idea with every ounce of resolve, intelligence, capability we need to move forward to achieve whatever task is at hand…even if much contradicts this.
Our rightful feelings are joy, gratitude, bliss, happiness, courage, strength, understanding. In my case, I could see I have often of late allowed circumstances to define my mood instead of going back to – in thought—the truth of my spirituality and seeing its constancy.
So today, as I’m pausing, and yes, still troubleshooting and configuring, I’m reminded that not only am I okay, but we each are. There is no task at hand too great to accomplish.
Pause. Breathe. You are more than okay. You are loved, precious, whole, complete. And you have everything you need—love, courage, freedom, insight—to live fully and feel peace.
Walk…run…..fly. You really are okay!
As always, if you wanna chat about any of the above, leave a comment or send an email….Thanks for reading and be well.