How to start being authentic

I’m surely not an actual architect.

I’ve not ever drafted real blueprints nor owned a real drafting table, though I would love one.

I’ve never dug up the earth to see how far down one can go (unless you count digging to China while building sandcastles).

And I’ve not ever had a single course in engineering.

But I think I kinda get what it means to build a solid foundation–of thought–from which to live authentically.

And for me, it requires a few things:

a. being totally, utterly, consistently honest with yourself.

b. being absolutely 100% forgiving of yourself.

c. being 100 x 100% patient with yourself.

d. being willing to live at a step by step, moment by moment pace.

I plan to write on this topic for a while now as I want to offer what I’ve started to see as how to’s on each one.

But for the now: building a solid foundation of authenticity from which to live can happen today. This moment.

All it takes is a conscious choice to do so.

• Nothing that you’ve done wrong in the past has to tag along.
• Nothing you regret.
• Nothing that you wish didn’t happen.

You are fresh, whole, new this moment to build anew. And to keep building.

But you must have one thing above all else, even the things I listed above:

You have to want this so muchly that little else matters.

And ya know what I call that?

Loving your right, your innate, inherent right to be authentic.

It surely goes hand in hand with loving yourself.

But to me it focuses thought and tweaks the desire that much more. Because you are aware of your thoughts by now, your tendencies, your patterns, your behavior.

What you have to tune into is that yearning adoration of authenticity.

And that pull is the most natural thing of all because it’s really your desire to live out your spirituality, your true, honest, inherent nature.

Tune into it and strengthen it and nurture it and grow it.

Yep.

Grow that desire for authenticity.

Grow it by being authentic.

Grow it by making mental note of when you’re not.

Grow it by writing reminders to yourself and posting them on the cabinets in the kitchen or fingerpainting them on the bathroom mirrors: “be true to you”….’be yourself”….whatever little positive expressions will steer you on track.

Grow it by getting inside your thoughts and being willing to say “Woman what the heck was that? Why did you say that when you menat to say this?”

Okay….ready to keep a secret? Sssshhh. Here goes:

You know when I’m not the most authentic?

Sssh. Don’t tell 🙂

I’m not the most authentic when I’m speaking with family that expects certain answers framed a certain way so that they can check off on their list of checking in that I’m fine.

I definitely have managed to frame things in a way that they hang up knowing “Kay, she’s fine.”

And I ask myself “What the heck was that?”

But I’ll admit something else: Sometimes we choose not to be authentic out of protection. Our hearts are soo very precious and wise and sometimes we learn to say things we need to to calm or comfort another person’s concern because if we shared all he or she wouldn’t get it. Or worse. He or she would turn it into a moment to criticize or condemn you once again.

But there are ways to cover up what you’re really feeling and thinking (especially when the listener wouldn’t get it) that don’t involve you selling out either and talking up a bunch of whatever to skirt the issue of how you’re doing.

Gonna stay on this topic for at least the rest of July…and bring out different aspects of how to be authentic.

It’s a biggie. To me and to countless others I’ve been speaking and working with.

But #1: find that yearning within and start becoming best friends with her.

What can you do today, this hour, this next get together you have to be authentic?

The same question phrased differently: when you go meet with so and so or when you are go about your day, how can you be true to you, your heart?

Give yourself some parameters if you feel like crossing over into certain topics makes you the most vulnerable.

Keep the conversation light and on topics other than you if you need to.

Take mental notes of your behavior and afterwards reflect.

Did you feel authentic? Why or why not?

Gauge your actions overall. Are you as authentic as you could be?

What feels hard? What are your downfalls? What helps you?

Remember always: be gentle with yourself. Becoming and living and being true to you is a process and invites gentle, tender, lovingkindness along the way.

If you have an ‘oops’ of an hour or day or month or year or five years. Okay. Note to self.

Moving forward now.

And that’s all there is.

This moment.

Thought by thought.

Here’s to being authentic. Who’s in?