Questions I ask myself along the way:
Did you love unconditionally
Did you give today?
Seek to see the good?
Or did thought wander into stuck in overwhelm?
Are you feeling stressed or anxious?
Has another headline disrupted you?
Dear reader friend seeing these words, I have a hunch many are feeling burdened tis true.
When I am stuck similarly and feeling deeply overwhelmed,
I observe a lot…of my own patterns of behavior.
There’s usually a churning about in my thinking,
perhaps trying to resolve something that’s not yet mine to take on.
Or if it is my direct responsibility,
Then the churning may surround temptations to be convinced I’m doing it all — life and womanhood — wrong.
Those are the signals to me
That the darkness is trying to suffocate me…
Those are the mental suggestions I am learning how to resist, deny, and refuse to agree to consent with.
For the belief that I — or any of us — is doing life wrong
Is so subtle but so heinous…
Like a mental hijacker it doesn’t want to let go of us.
And it may point to those who we love and respect as the role model to follow….and accuse us that we don’t even measure up or come even close…
And it may point to quiet others whose walk impressed us a while ago…and it may onslaught with people were so much more real back then…no one today wants that depth.
But it often has an unachievable standard it holds over our head…
And the onslaught of accusations that we’re doing life wrong can make us want to run away and do anything but dealing with the thoughts instead.
Yes I said dealing with the thoughts...because they each and all have to be faced.
And that’s the thing about facing the condemning dark lures,
As we do so they lose power and ability to wield control over us.
Just the single refusal to say “no. I’m not agreeing with you today.”
can one up the self condemning lures and show them who is boss of me or you today.
And you may be like “well who is my boss and what do you mean confront these thoughts?”
For me, the ‘boss’ is the Mind of divine Love that is ultimately impelling all of us.
And we may not have a clue how to listen for its direction.
But we do have a choice what thoughts or influences we don’t have to any second longer devote our attention.
It’s gonna feel like you’re trying to push against a solid heavy truth
To resist what the condemning thoughts are saying to you.
But it begins with a choice to refuse to agree.
Then it continues with another choice “you have nothing to do with me.”
(Because dark thoughts are not ours…and they seem to show up as the real mental work….the temporary mental boxing ring where we feel this constant opponent).
But since I don’t box maybe a better analogy is this:
the mental onslaughts can feel like washing laundry in mud not using detergent….
And you turn your back and the mud spills out everywhere
Or worse when you’ve dried everything it falls from it’s neat and clean and tidy folded piles
onto a piles of dirty floors full of muddy water.
Or you just have mopped the floors then spill coffee everywhere….
The point is…the spilled coffee and the mud cannot dictate the outcome of our disposition if we don’t allow it.
But the resistance is a serious commitment to take up the muck of our thinking…
And sift the light from the dark and try our best to not be misinfluenced.
Yet when I take up that work and insist on refusing to the onslaught of self condemning succomb
Then it’s like the mental match is on and with it the promise to overcome.
What I remind myself hourly at times and daily for sure is a statement of Declaration of Independence from a favorite author:
“God has endowed man with inalienable rights, among which are self government, reason, and conscience.” (Mary Baker Eddy…her writings have changed my life, given a rock to lean on when I’ve felt falling into a black hole abyss with nothing to cling to…and of late defines for me the scientific spiritual standard of thought and being I seek to emulate… …though she penned them a while ago…she celebrates 200th birthday this year!).
The above I wrote just now as a spontaneous poem…
I seek deeply of late through my poetry to offer hope and healing.
It’s a tender time perhaps as unique as ever.
We each have had so much experience adjusting to new norms in this last year
But further still we have an opportunity at hand to connect even more deeply and allow our love for humanity expand even greater.
If I allow myself be silenced because I’m nervous I am not published yet…
Or fret that this blog is in it’s umptiumpth year and I’ve done not that much to promote it…
Then I’m carrying into the now this albatross of regret and woe.
And that’s the very heavy dark I spoke of above….It’s just gotta go.
So rolling up sleeves and allowing the heart outpour,
I don’t know how often or regularly I’ll post here but that’s the joy of life and the privilege of spontaneity….It loves as it feels inspired to and then it overflows.
Of late I’ve met many a heart seeking….to heal grief over loss….
And other hearts striving to overcome ‘oh what have I done.”
And I’ve interacted with a few who are more lost post stay at home than before….
And I’ve met several who are refusing to put the performance back on and wanna be even more authentic than before.
Wherever you find yourself in this moment of the journey of Life now….
May you feel loved
May you feel light
May you feel able to let go whatever has weighed you down with so much might.
May you know that your deepest honesty is allowed to be true to you.
May you love even more when it feels like nothing but opponents confront you.
I promise you there are beacons and sometimes you meet them when you’re far away from home…and they give you some one liners and forward life changing truths that help you both onward march step by step, thought by thought, and toe by toe.
My heart with yours,
If something is weighing you down, if you’re feeling like you’re failing womanhood or manhood, if you never feel adequate enough, or if it seems like loved ones, friends, family, everyone are constantly judging you, and you wish to gain a different perspective from which to look at your individuality and now, I welcome hearing from you…and I would be happy to share what helps me overcome the dark, silence self condemning (if only for an hour) and what the view is I am seeking to gaze through.