Thought by thought . . .

A friend and I went strawberry picking and arrived only to find the fields were closed due to short supply. We were invited to purchase the ‘already picked and carted’ kind.

A wee bit disappointed and a wee too much caught up in the shoulda coulda wished I woulda’s barking at me saying I shoulda called and checked before driving the hour’s distance, I paused and looked at my thoughts.

Disappointment, regret, guilt, frustration– all that muck — was trying really hard to sway my joy and get me down.

Right then in that moment I affirmed that the only power in control EVER is the goodness of Divine Love and I could evidence the wonder of this right now even though my assumed expected outcome wasn’t happening.

I took a brief jaunt outa the farmer’s stand area and to my surprise there were a whole cluster of baby billy goats playing in a fenced lot just off to the right of the barn.

I watched them in awe and began giggling out loud. They kicked up their heels. They nuzzled their noses. They do everything you can think of and more to play.

And they WANTED me to watch them. They caught sight of me, snuck behind their trees and mini barn sleeping den only to peek back out in a moment’s notice as if to be sure I was still watching.

“Hey. Psst. You . There. Yeah, You. Look at me frolick and play and skip and sing and soar. Wheee. It’s so fun. C’mon. Join me.”

I paused some more and looked at the wonder of that moment.

It was as if the billy goats reminded me: maybe this journey had zero to do with strawberries and picking and everything to do with reminding me to expect spontaneous good and the abundance of wonder in my days and moments.

I ran back into the market to grab my friend so she could partake in the glee. I didn’t have to. She was already fully engulfed in lapping up her own wonder: a bowl of strawberry shortcake with whip cream to boot!

A few moments of just watching her and I witnessed the same frolicking play as she leaped from stand to stand half selecting produce to purchase, half giddly lapping up her delicious treat.

She was in zero need of a lesson on sponteneous wonder or giddyness. She was fully partaking in that moment’s glee delighting in the wonder of her shortcake.

I returned to the goats and watch them play some more.

And as I did I felt that choked up feeling a bit like you do when you wanna partake so desperately and yet there’s that stronghold feeling of you have sooo much to let go of before you can ever feel so free.

I tried to let all that go…..
But I felt resistance to their play…because…um…well. It’s been a while. Too long to admit actually.

In all my strivings to live my best life, I know a looming rigidity is still there, still sizing up my moments and my days and wanting the summation of my productivity so an appropriate assessment can be made.

And more, I jog..but I haven’t skipped in a while.

I drive an Suv..but it’s been a few years since I rode my Honda Shadow.

I’ve ‘managed’ the days, but I’m very much aware the gloom of 3 weeks of solid rain has weighed heavily.

I’ve made lots of strides in my writings. But I’m also very aware I’ve held back so much.

In those moments of witnessing the billy goats’ play, something shifted sweetly for me.

Something nudged me to remember: it’s vital to frolick and to leave ourselves open to those nudges.

Commitment to fulfiling goals does not have to impose rigidity, hardness of hearts, or rob us of our natural inclinations to childlikeness and wonder.

But all too often of late for me — as much as I’m striving to shift from this tendency — I’ve trudged through lots of my moments answering to this dictatorial micromanager–as if I’m obligated to that….or as if any of us are.

The truth is Divine Love is outlining our days and moments. And I find great giddyness in remembering this and striving to keep thoughts open for that spontaneous good and play.

My friend didn’t question or second guess her shortcake. Nothing in her was barking “No no! No desert til after dinner.” She even let herself skip around while eating. Nothing in her barking “Thou must sit at a table with napkin and fork when eating something that may spill and stain.”

Now I eat on the fly constantly and have zero issue with standing while doing so. I’m not speaking to that per se.

I’m speaking to any influence in thought that inhibits our billy goating.

So…this was a tender reminder:

We all have the right to sift thoughts, see which are imposing rigidity, harshness, hardness, top down micromanaging.

And we all have the right to ask: Is this serving me? Is this allowing me breather room to play?

And, if the answer is no, we all have the right and the freedom to figure out a different way to manage our moments.

I know for me, in just the few days since, I’ve scheduled in a half hour of play into the day…it’s that important to me.

And more, it’s reminding me that the Love that governs our moments is gentle, firm, patient, tender, kind. It doesn’t bark, dictate, scold, punish, or blame.

And it’s hugging all of us 24/7.

So, in the wonder of right now, we can frolick…we can play peekaboo…we can dive into that playful spirit and be giddy.

No matter how serious or focused our workload, we can play. 🙂

So how bout it? What works for you? How are you scheduling play into your moments?