Permission to let them — the thoughts — go

So…Here we are again…in the midst of our moments. And we feel like we’re progressing:

• we’ve created a vision for our life we feel is authentic;
• we’re moving forward to fulfil our goals;
• we’re meditating and maintaining a sense of self care regularly;
• we’re choosing to spend moments constructively.

Things feel pretty rockin’ and rollin’.
And then we get a phone call.
And stuff is said, accusations fly, anger flares.

We hang up.
And we feel it immediately: huge, deep tidalwave of pain rise up in our hearts.
And the pull to consent to a flood tide of emotions is overwhelming.
And we consent. And our emotions erupt.
“How dare her!”
“Who does she think she is?”

Pausing, we recall our intention. And breathe. But raging waves of accusations (idiot, loser, weakling) crash down, engulf us in a surge of hypocrisy for believing past negative patterns could ever be expunged. Drowning in a whirlpool of anger and guilt and loads other dark feelings, we gulp for breaths of justification: haven’t we made ANY progress?

Very suddenly, the storm winds cease. Internal anguish laps to a moderate calm,  seasprays of decades of pain cease to sting…and our hearts begin to calm as well, rocking back and forth with the ebb and tide of life.

Tidalwaves of emotions exhaust, infuriate, and try to wash away any hope of personal growth and progress sometimes.

But it’s okay.
There will always be situations in our lives that trigger our darkest emotions.
And it really is okay.

We are allowed to hurt, and cry, and get angry, and pace, yell and howl at the moon, and walk through all those regrets of wishing we’d never picked up the phone…or made the visit…or gone out of our way to maintain a relationship…or driven 2 days to show up to rules and systems and conditions and rigidity, and cold empty fake obligatory hugs.

We’re allowed to breathe. And remind ourselves it’s okay that we tried yet again.

But after a real lull, we even may begin to wonder:

Does it always have to be a tsunami of emotions when our lives interact with certain people or circumstances?

Is there always gonna be our inner struggle with the triggers of thought toward those people/circumstances?
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Well, pause with me for a moment….and consider this:

If you’ve ever meandered on a trail near a pond, you may well encounter a cloud of bugs that last for a few yards.

Annoyed by the friek inhaling a few or having a couple get stuck in your eyes, you rush walk out of their cloud.

Or maybe they’re not completely gone but you figure a way to clear them away from proximity with your face.

Notice the scenario: pleasant, calm walk interrupted by cloud of bugs triggers irritation and frustration. Walk ends abruptly.

Think about this: did the bugs cause our frustration?

Or: did our thought about the bugs and their bug cloud cause the frustration?

Point: what triggers us into that sea of emotion isnt the people, the job, the circumstance per se, it’s out thought about the people or circumstance.

Triggers are NEVER the people, the job, the place, the circumstance.

Triggers are ALWAYS thoughts about that person/people, job, place, circumstance.

So. Consider: can you predict the bug cloud? Can you predetermine which paths have them and which don’t? (well maybe, but who does this on a spontaneous afternoon stroll?)

While it’s unlikely we can predict where the bug clouds hover, we surely can prepare our thought to not react so deeply so upon any encounter. And we can surely choose to stop going where we run into the most bug clouds.

Exploding with emotions doesn’t mean we haven’t progressed.
What it means is that we still have some work to do to address how we’re gonna respond the next time we encounter those people, that job, that place, that circumstance.

But hold on.

This is not quick fix: change the thought and have a happily ever after relationship, career, home, whatever.

Oh if it were only that easy. Only 1/2 kidding.

Truth is, sometimes, just seeing someone that we’ve experienced pain with before triggers us.

Or just going there. (insert anywhere you’ve felt rules and obligatory imposed opinions or coldness and authoritative or dictatorial conditions).

Or just doing that work.

BUT, because the trigger happens in thought, it’s healable. Thoughts can change. They really truly can.

So, in being gentle with ourselves, we need to let the negative thoughts go and often this means let go the people, the circumstances first.

So how do we do that?

Take a few moments.

Get into thought and figure out when certain people, things, circumstances make us feel and think things that do NOT support us.

Consider if it’s at all possible to get them/those situations to change.

Consider then just gently starting to remove yourself from scenarios that evoke the pain.

Maybe it’s as simple as “Note to self: do not pick up the phone if _________ calls unexpectedly.”

Or as simple as “Note to self: sell or donate __________ because you are not an antique dealer and not obligated to hold onto things.”

Or it may mean a deeper commitment to your heart by breaking away from unhealthy relationships.

Ultimately, we have to free our thoughts of thinking ANYTHING, any person, power, place, can harm us.

BUT until we do, we gotta be gentle, practical, tender and remove ourselves from that which evokes the hurtful thoughts.

So….

We gotta get into our thoughts, be honest with our feelings and figure out what feels icky, what feels taken advantage of, what feels used, what feels like we are or have been abused, what feels obligatory.

And then we have to work gently to remove the feeling–and it’s seeming source–even if that means

• letting someone go
• moving
• pitching stuff
• moving again
• letting more people go
• quitting a job
• creating new work for ourselves

It’s not only vital to conclude:“This is not supporting my now.” It’s vital to do something about it.

WE ARE ALLOWED to conclude: “This is NOT supporting me.”

And more, we’re allowed to shed that which doesn’t support our now…even if that means letting go of the person or thing while we work on our thoughts about the person or thing.

Remember: everything is always a thought. And what seems to imprison, abuse, take advantage of, use, condemn is ALWAYS our thought about that person, situation, etc.

But sometimes we MUST remove ourselves from the situation.

Trust me, the thoughts will linger.

But rather work out my ability to breathe underwater while in a pool where I can get out of the pool when I choke than try to learn how to swim in the middle of the Atlantic. 🙂

Gentle reminder: Right now, this moment, each one of us has permission to shed thoughts that pain, that use, abuse, take advantage of, devalue, condemn, attack, criticize, manipulate, control, suffocate, sneer, fill in the blank with any negative top-down authoritative verb.

Breathe.

Gentle, tender steps….

Being honest with ourselves, not only do we have permission to discern the thoughts that aren’t supporting our now, we have permission to let them go.

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“There is but one real attraction, that of Spirit.” (Mary Baker Eddy, Science and Health)