- Image via Wikipedia
Hey. You there. The reader. You’re not really buyin’ this “Keepsakes” mumbo jumbo are you?
Bah.
Humbug.
Look.
Listen to me.
This @tresha? She’s all well meaning and stuff but it’s just not practical.
Who the heck in their right mind devotes time and thought to outpouring so much for so many she’s never met?
It’s not right.
This internet obsession at its worst.
It’s just not right.
You should tell her. Go below. In the comments and tell her to stop this ridiculous Keepsake whatevering.
I’m serious.
Someone’s gotta tell her.
I mean come on, “Keepsakes?”
Sound a little Betty Crocker to you or what? It’s just so 2000s and all.
Listen, I know this will embarass her but she needs to wake the heck up.
I’m gonna try to convince her right here on the blog. But before I do here’s what you gotta know.
This woman has a friend. A real author friend. And that friend? She’s doing amazing things. You know. Real world amazing things like publishing books, teaching courses. You know. Real stuff.
And that friend had a real blog and a large readership. And that friend? She blogs regularly.
So the way I see it, this @tresha just must have decided to copy her friend.
What a low blow, eh?
Seriously. Her heart’s not really into this giving crap.
Every time she goes online she’s just avoiding real life.
Because we all know the internet aint real world right? ya with me?
So this @tresha — she’s driving around and she sees this antique store called Keepsakes.
I know I know right? Can ya just hear the violins and stuff?
And she gets all nostalgic and is missing her grandmother.
And she goes inside and explores all the stuff and stuff.
And instead of buying something in there, ya know, like a normal customer and all, she gets all loo loo nostaligc and starts doing that thing. You know? That thing she does. She starts TO THINK.
And when she starts to think, forget it.
It’s so over. Because she start to create these wacky loo loo nonsensical ideas.
Like giving Keepsakes as tweets throughout the holiday season.
Stupid.
She can’t just do the normal thing like call her grandmother and just say hi and offer to send her a nice card or something.
Nope. She went and got all stupid creative and concocted this “31 Keepsakes” plan.
She goes ape and decides she’s gonna pout all the love she feels toward all the wonderful holiday memories into some kind of gift thing to you, the readers.
And more?
(drum roll)
At no cost.
Loser.
As if you wanted that.
As if you are even out there.
As if you’d even be into that. ya know…receiving something from a stranger.
And worst of all?
She’s dumb enough to think the tools she’ll give you as Keepsakes may actually help you.
Can you imagine?
As if you asked for or wanted help.
See?
We have to wake her up from this madness. It’s just madness.
Because she really thinks you care.
I guess we could just let her.
But no, that would be too easy.
We have to tell her. You go write it in the comments that you think the whole idea is just ridiculous.
Promise not to read them., the Keepsakes. (It will be our secret).
It’s really sad. I’ll tell you what.
Remember Judd Nelson’s character on The Breakfast Club when he’s bullying the other character and says “Dimented and Sad but Social?” Yep. Same true for her.
Dimented and sad. But social.
I means it’s embarrassing right?
Believing in this whole friending and following and followers nonsense and trying to get some…what? attention? what? create a new arena for her work?
I mean she may have zero interest in anyone following her and just wants to put out some good energy into the universe.
But even that’s so lame, right? You guys with me?
So lets just call it and tell her nicely she needs to get a life and stop this internet gifting and blogging every day thing.
Cause it’s just pointless.
Now remember.
I’m anti her in her thoughts so I am just gonna start talking really loudly here cuz i like to talk down and yell. a lot.
And I call her dumb. And ‘dumbass’ and ‘friek’ a lot depending on my mood.
Kay here goes:
Scrooge condemning @tresha directly
“Yo. Yo. Keepsake Kook. Tre. what’s up. What the heck are you doing”
Girl are you kidding me? you did what? committed to what? why? Unbelievable
@tresha: I am going to commit to blog posting every. single. day. throughout December. as my gift. to me. And to anyone following my tweets and my friends on my facebook wall.
Couldn’t you have come up with something, you know, less ‘creative” or less demanding of productive energy?
For pete sake girl, does the twitterverse have a clue that you just moved. again?
How bout you stop this nonsense blogging schmogging and just take this month for you and ya know. Get some damn furniture or something and pretend to ya know, actually care about your surroundings.
Tre: Hush. Silence. Off with you Keepsake Scroogemania. You’re the whole reason I invented Keepsake #1: Be Gentle.
I’m refusing to respond to any voice that’s not gentle. This is how I’m practicing being gentle.
Well lahdeedah for you girlfriend. Isn’t that just Perfect. For you. You go ahead with that there la la land ville concept of practicing gentle. I don’t give a hoot about what you think you’re practicing or not responding to.
Lemme give it to you straight yo.
You need to get offline and go out into the real world.
You need to get this place furnished and finished.
Pretend to care about your surroundings. It’s your home for crying out loud.
@tresha: I’m dismissing you. I’m not listening. I’ve created home in my heart. And my blog is a place where I’m sharing that home, that’s the real Keepsake anyway: how we manage our thoughts, which you of course know zilch about. The blog is is cozy and functioning fine. And I have put establishing her off long enough while the likes of you intimidated me into thinking I had zero worth saying and sharing for the past year.
@tresha continues: Turns out in the world of the internet? people are actually true to themselves. I mean sure there’s a buncha folks who live behind a label or role but there’s plenty there just being…being human and being true. And that’s who I blog for. And for anyone who’s on the brink and wants to be real online but doesn’t know how.
So that is why the 31 Keepsakes is my gift to them. To underscore the value and the merit of being true to ourselves. It sure enough has enabled me to shut your voice up long enough to not let you influence me anymore Mr. Scrooge.
Scrooge: Well this is just nonsense and I don’t like it. Not one bit.
All this tweeting Keepsakes madness and updating your facebook status with positive outlooks and happy thoughts.
Gimme a damn break. It’s December. No one is in a good mood!
And if they are they’re faking it!!!
It’s the most stressful month of the year.
No one wants to admit the half of what didn’t get done over the past 11 months and everyone’s trying to cram it in last minute.
Translation: no one will have a single. solitary. second to read your damn keepsakes. ya hear?
@tresha: I’m off to blog the Keepsake#3. This one’s on being prepared (My mother’s voice is already becoming Scrooge #2 saying “I told you so.” Hi Mom. Luv ya). The more I practice these Keepsakes the more your accusations matter zilch. Be gone with you Keepsake Scrooge. You don’t matter and I’m not listening.
Keepsake Scrooge wanders off mumbling, grumbling, mumbling.
@tresha sits down at her laptop and starts to brainstorm the qualities and imagery that come to mind when she thinks about what it means to ‘be prepared.’
And yet, as the Scrooge voice tends to linger, for a fleeting few seconds she hears echoes of his rationale… “It’s December….No one is in a good mood! ….Everyone is trying to cram into the last month all that the didn’t get done in the past 11. No one’s gonna have time to peek at your damn keepsakes.’
And then she caught herself and remembered Keepsake #2: about Being Grounded. And she remembered what this means. not second guessing, not vacillating, not doubting herself, not caving, owning her choices.
And with that, she sat down determined to blog Keepsake #3. all bout being prepared. and boy was she ever.
And as she began to type, she giggled as she realized Keepsake Scrooge was far far away out of her thoughts. But she set out to blog “Be Prepared” knowing full well he may try to resurface…
🙂
