Thought by thought . . .

I remember as a little girl I couldn’t wait to play with my best friend who was also my next door neighbor: Libby.

Life in Lib’s world was C O O L.

She had B R O T H E R S who fascinated me: deep voices, very athletic, avid musicians. One of them was almost always shooting hoops or pounding drums or off to a game.

She had a couple huge dogs, german shepherds who gave me slobbering kisses.

She had her OWN toys and games closet. (I had to share mine with my sister. Translation: it was her closet and she was sure to let me know she had dibs on everything….especially the stuff she’d never think to play with until of course I wanted to.)

Libby also had access to the snacks in the pantry whenever she wanted. She’d let a yell out “mom, I’m getting a snack.” and that was that. No big grown up came out to scrutinize her caloric intake, no one banished her if it was a twinky instead of an apple. And no one scolded her for choosing a ‘sugar’ snack over a ‘healthy’ snack. I seriously doubt Lib knew the difference let alone gave it any thought.

Lib played outdoors and taught me how to climb trees, ride without training wheels, and create our own ant farm in the ground. She made fun of Barbies, thought they were a waste of time when we could create our own friends with bugs and birds and branches.

One other thing: Lib never scrutinized me. She never commented on what I looked like, even in my chubby years. She never dissed me when I had to be home by 5:30pm (although she never had to leave by a certain time when she played at my house). She never judged my having to do chores before I played, never made fun of me when my mom wanted me to eat only healthy snacks. And she always played with me even when my sister became more interested in boys and bikinis rather than barbies and tree branches.

In short, Lib was a constant friend–even though we never went to school together, never shared carpool together and never did any formal activities together (brownies, girl-scouts, dance lessons, etc).

She didn’t choose to play with me when it was convenient, she didn’t ask me over to show off to anyone, she didn’t hang out with me because it was ‘cool.’ (all the tendencies of kids at my school). We played when we wanted, waived goodnight to each other from our bedroom windows, and even snuck out a few times to lie on the grass and dream away under the stars. (she was awesome about waking up early and we managed to sneak back to our beds before any grownups found out).

We built treehouses, moved in them, and managed to unite all the kids all over the neighborhood who’d otherwised been separated by who went to public school–which Libby did–vs who went to private school–which I did.

And man, when it was Halloween, look out. Lib and I led the troops around the neighborhood, quite proud of the fact we knew who’d let you grab a whole handful of candy. I laugh at how many houses we avoided because “She only lets you take one piece.”

We shared stuffed animals, bedtime stories, (had more fun making up our own), favorite tshirts and board games. I remember in middle school she had a crush on Leif Garret and I adored Shawn Cassidy. There was this unspoken rule that if Lib had a crush on a boy, even a movie star, he was off limits.

I don’t remember trips to the mall with Lib, I seldom remember having manicures or tea parties or other really girly stuff with Lib. We just weren’t those kinds of girls.

I remember sobbing with her when her doggie died and her sobbing with me when my grandmother made my mom give my dog away.

I remember plotting a big runaway too …we were fed up with our parents and wanted to ‘go explore’ and be gone for several days just to scare them. I think we made it to under our beds and hid for a good 3 hours, enough to worry our folks.

I remember my first words when mom said “we’re moving’ were “What about Lib?” and I remember feeling guilty over missing my playtime with her more than my father who’d moved out recently.

But even when I moved, we talked by phone often, yet surely it wasn’t ever the same.

I know we stayed in touch through highschool though life got busy and my sis and I travelled out of town on weekends to visit time with Dad.

We did share photos from our moms through college and thereafter. Couple years ago, Mom told me Lib was married and had a few children of her own. I need to get in touch with her and catch up, surely.

So why all this recollection over Libby?

It’s funny how perspective can make you truly appreciate the kinds of friendships you built without thinking, without speculating, without agenda, as a child.

That uninhibited, unintimidated, unselved joy that just embraces, adores, welcomes, and nurtures.

Beyond a doubt, no matter how many gals I’d go on to call my best friend in later years, none topped that bond I held with Lib. Ever.

I think in pondering it’s value of late, I’m reminded of a few things:

• the value of spontaneity, wonder, imagination, glee.
• the tender meaning that comes from investing in genuine shared moments, no agenda in mind.
• the unbreakable trust that yields from learning how to really be there for someone, with zero expectation of payback.
• the unquestionable adoration that fills your heart whenever you think of this treasured gift of a friend.

Lib was my first experience in peer to peer inseparable bond built on genuine honesty, adoration, trust, and love.

Beyond being pinky sisters, BFF (best friends forever), pretend sisters and so much more, what I cherish most about Lib was the lesson that the value of love comes not from how someone or their assets benefits you. Rather, is the treasure the bond itself.

I love you Lib….wherever you are…..thank you for teaching me the meaning of being a true friend. 😉