My new theme….for life….for day to day….for moment to moment. Pressing on. Moving forward. Getting through…Moving through….accomplishing the need of the moment without letting the wandering of thoughts, unknowns, fears, or even guilt creep into thought and cause you to overthink next steps.
One week ago, I flew from one place to another, sorted stuff in storage, threw away a lot of that stuff that weighed heavy in thought (reminding me of bad memories, etc), piled up my car, and drove several days to another destination.
Thinking about doing this was pretty simple. I can be linear when I need to be. I’ve done enough road trips I know the routine that works for Berkeley (my Bichon Frise) and me.
But when it came time to actually doing this drive, golly. There was a ton of fear. A ton. Stuff I don’t wanna go into for this particular blog. But that fear was a deadweight and I felt like a 3 days journey would take me two weeks. And throughout the drive, at least half of it, I seriously thought about giving up and turning around. (Just keeping it simple, the fear was squelching “Tre why bother doing this? you are all talk. You’ve been wanting to do this for five years and you never have. What’s gonna be any different this time around?)….It was going on and on, even worse calling me a wasted life, a loser, a lot worse actually. You know the way. It would just like to smash you to the core and waste every ounce of your worth.
Only you can make yourself do what you know you need to do–Only you can make yourself move through the fear, work past the guilt (why have I put this off til now?), the what ifs (what if I fail? what if I can’t get it done? what if I’m all alone in the process and the outcome?), the opposition and resistance which–it seems– at all times tries to convince you your thoughts and goals are worthless endeavors and stupid to pursue.
Hear me on this: sometimes KNOWING you must do something and the MOVING FORWARD to accomplish it seems to send out the mental SAVE THE DATE announcement to all the opposition and resistance you can think of–all the condemnation, the guilt, the laughter, the snickering, the mental muck that insists you’re gonna fall flat on your face and fail. Get used to that pattern. Enough to recognize it. And enough to move past it. It’s no different than making yourself go to that gathering (when you’d so prefer to stay at home snuggling up with a book) and passing through the cackling crowd of peacocks squawking all about who’s who and what’s what and who’s wearing this designer, and who’s doing this with her life, and who’s married to whom and who’s had that many children….you know the group I mean…talking just for the sake of sizing up one another…..and you move past them and seek out the more intimate crowd you know you will figure out a way to have a conversation of meaning with….
You gotta do the same with pressing on with your innermost goals. Those sqawking peacocks this time around are all mental and they’re really not at all your friends, anymore than that group at that party you pass through to get to the one or two folks you know you can chill with. Those attacking thoughts are mental stumbling blocks that would seriously try to trip you up. But you can not only move past them, you can squelch their ability to touch your heart.
Spiritually, you are a complete, worthy expression of being this moment. And any thought that would condemn your individuality is simply a lie and not true. Dismiss it. Immediately. Even if it’s guised as your own thought. Even if it comes as the what if fear game “well what if this happens and what if that happens.”
You didn’t start out this journey of following and heeding your innermost desires by getting stalled with listening to the ‘what if’ tactics. Shut them up and out every step of the way. They are simply suppositions that can’t have power if you give them none. Better still, you will heal them and your susceptibility to them by comprehending more of your spirituality and inherent goodness and an individual expression of the divine Mind. You have within you this moment every ounce of ability for doing and being good. And nothing that debases your being holds an ounce of truth. Ever.
So, in moving forward, you must squelch these attacks. Even with simple affirmations like “I am not going to believe a single ounce of what these fears are suggesting. I am untouched by any sense of fear or guilt and I can move forward knowing that I am aware this moment of everything I need to know to make rational choices and right decisions.”
Yet even though I was telling myself this, there were still several moments and days when I had to just trust this prayer and MOVE ON, inspite of the fears, in spite of the ongoing arguments. Sometimes even when you know the condemning ‘crap’ are lies, you still ‘hear’ those thoughts. Just because you know they are lies and you hold to the truth, the condemnations still seem present in thought. SO YOU PRESS ON ANYWAY. It’s like hearing a ton of cackling while you are moving forward but you hold yourself high and poised and full of grace and really strive not to be duped by the suggestions.
I know this for sure: the more I do not react and buy in to the condemning crap, the more it dissipates from thought because it’s not truth, ever.
My past few weeks have really found me defending my goals. These are one of those times when I have to keep reassuring myself: “Hey Tre, you’re not gonna get any other nudge than the most important one: the innermost heart one that you know is coming from your truth, your sense of individuality’…and for me, if you read this blog or even if you’re a first time reader, that ‘truth’ is the way that I commune with the divine. It’s how I carve out my oneness and live my spirituality day to day, moment to moment, thought by thought.
So here we go.
You may wanna know more details. You may want more how to’s. That will all come. Today, pressing on for me meant diving back into a blog I put on hold for a week or more while transitioning and writing simply this post.
I am perhaps experienced more than I’d like to be on overcoming fear and the thought of victimization. but when you let that go, it’s like this heavy heartedness and resistance releases.
We are each carving out our vision of life…day to day…moment to moment. I’m really done with letting fears and my resistance to them slow me up. 🙂 Not sayin’ that it’s gone for good. But leaping forward I”m feeling still and breathing.
A good friend–Christine Kane–wrote a song about this: She calls it “Right Outa Nowhere” and it’s the main track on her CD entitled by that phrase as well. One of my favorite lines from the cover track: “Leap and the net will appear.” You can listen to the song on Itunes and you can read about Christine’s latest CD’s creative process on her other blog: BeMyRecordLabel. (and if you subscribe to that blog, she’ll send you snippets of songs as she’s recording them right now in NYC–so cool!).
It’s never not there–the net. Nor is your leap up for a 50/50 chance of flopping. But we just think that sometimes. We think that often because things we want to do haven’t been done before (so it seems) or we hear opposition to the idea. Or we have a plethora of our own “what if I fail or make a mistake?” Hush the opposition. Leap. It’s really about walking in your sense of substance.
I appreciate much how a favorite author, Mary Baker Eddy, defines substance in her work Science and Health: “Substance is that which is eternal and incapable of discord and decay” (Science and Health, Eddy).
I love this. The stuff that comes to you..the yearnings, the pulls, the stuff that keeps coming to you to accomplish year after year…these are substantial, a core part of your individuality. It’s more than okay if no one else has these yearnings. They’re not you. You only can fulfil what these are nudging you to. So here’s to leaping knowing the net is there! 🙂 and having fun. At least I’m surely tryin’. 🙂
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So when’s the last time you pressed on and leaped? Send a comment and tell about what worked for you….and as always, if you’re trying to leap and wanna talk about it, leave a comment with your email and I’ll surely write back or contact me directly (see the contact info link above).
Be well and much joy to you….Tre ~
intresting stuff 🙂