Authentic New Beginnings…calendar driven or nudges of the heart?

Hey, how are you?

Happy 2010 feels a funny way to begin a post for the day…yet it’s kinda quite the norm of the moment.

Indeed I kinda pause at all the huggabaloo surrounding resolution making at the start of a calendar year.

Not sure really when it first dawned on me that desire for change and intentions that mattered to me didn’t depend on a day or a season or time in a human sense.

To those who gain inspiration and strengthen their resolve for new beginnings on January 1 of a new year, I say good for you and hope that works for you.

To my heart, I giggle. I know better. Commiting to my intentions has nothing to do with a number of day or year and everything to do with gentle yet firm honesty with myself…with taking a deep look at where my thoughts are…and what I’m clinging to or not clinging for a sense of security, stability, authenticity, truth.

And I find real value in assessing the outcome of that ask…and really being honest with myself in the answers to:

Is this behavior, attitude, focus supporting and feeding my now?

Is this desired outcome necessary to assure my stability?

Do my thoughts and energies need to be focused in this way right now?

Every moment is a right moment to hear a change of heart, listen to what pulls at thought and how, embrace new beginnings, and walk the footsteps, no matter how small or gently slow the pace, of our intentions.

This moment. This thought. This right now moment of our being.

It doesn’t matter if it’s January 1 or March 1 or October 1, or 17, or 23.

It doesn’t matter if it’s morning or noon or night.

It doesn’t matter what age we are or what other circumstances characterize us.

What matters is devotion of thought, commitment to resolve, and loving ourselves enough to make the changes we seek possible.

In a huge way, I had a dozen New Year’s between 2007 and 2009.

Each one revolved around a move, from one sublease to another, while securing a commitment to and completing a project.

While I was really ‘off’ in my sense of the timing for the project’s completion, I was determined to see my way through it rather than give it up.

Follow through mattered.

Fulfilling what I set out to do mattered.

Overcoming intimidation of the daunting task at hand mattered much.

Or so I thought…

Something unexpected, rather completely, occurred in the midst of all the moves and new views and recommitments.

I woke up to my voice.

Well, perhaps better said, I turned up the volume a lot more.

With each new sublease, I’d recommit to devoting myself to what I thought mattered most to me at that moment.

But with each recommitment, there was major push back.

At first I thought it was simply fear of the daunting task I was undertaking.

So for a good six months, I shut that fear up and pressed on.

But push back continued.

And so I started listening to it.

And days would find me beginning to write on new topics, beginning to teach myself social media, of course guised under the rationale that these learnings would further my project.

And still, push back occurred.

I wasn’t resisting my blogging or learning social media tools and strategies.

I was resisting the imposed rationale..that my doing so was only to forward my other project.

One day last fall, I decided to drop everything and jaunt out of town for a weekend.

I hadn’t left this current city for 13 months, out of fear I’d give up my project.

While out of town, something really precious occurred.

My voice came with me. 😉

The volume increased.

And I got this nudge loud and clear: “Drop the project. It’s not yours to do.”

The project I’m speaking of was a voluntary goal to research a body of writings from which I’d hoped to write a biography or create a website for the achievements of the subject matter.

But that weekend, I walked a beach I’d not been on before, picked up some unfamiliar shells, sunk myself into the sand and thought: Tre, you don’t want to waste a single ‘nother moment obligating yourself to a project that you aren’t 100% convinced is yours to do. No more. Dive into you, your writing, your healing practice, your now.

Up til 20 months ago, I really thought I comprehended what it meant to intend thought and actualize footsteps that way, whether yearning to express more patience, to be less critical of myself, to braving deeper connections to even evolving more playtime and fun in my days. These yearnings were desires of the heart.

But let’s just say this whole experience illumined how vital, how intensely vital it is to keep checking our desired outcomes, keep assessing our steps, keep sensing if we’re fulfilling what we wish to.  And when we’re honest with ourselves and we realize we’re not fulfilling what we hope to or when a desired goal just isn’t anymore, it’s beyond okay to pause, regroup and restrategize.  New beginnings are possible every single moment because of the wonder and power of thought.

So right now, in listening to your voice, in assessing your now, if you feel pushback toward anything, honor that, take deeper look, ask yourself why. And be honest with yourself. Decide if that reason’s enough to help you shift a bit and recommit yourself or change the desired outcome.

All it takes is a willingness to see the right now as a new beginning, no matter what day it is.:)

Holler back if you want any help with this …or share if you’ve had a similar kind of regrouping. Would love to hear.

Hugs and Happy New You Year 🙂