Being true to you….

It’s this inner pull…you don’t always have words for and even if you did, you can’t always describe it. You know. That tug at your heart that’s there the moment you’re conscious in the morning, the moment you quiet your thoughts throughout the day, the last thing you think about before drifting off to sleep.

At best, you know it’s asking this: “Are you really being true to your heart?”

Answer it superficially, just to shut it up…and watch what happens….

Sure, distract yourself throughout the days, the weeks, the months, even the years….walk that life that looks busy and important….justify up the wazoo to yourself certain career choices that you know will satisfy family and friends and justify to yourself why you’d be foolish not to make those choices right now….go ahead, try convincing yourself you’re being a grown up—finally—and finally exerting maturity and wisdom about how you must live life now.

And just watch.

See if in another few weeks that tug doesn’t keep you up night after night after night or wake you up early in the wee hours of the morning.

Play that game for a few decades and you may find yourself FINALLY asking this question: “Who’s life am I living? Really! Why am I making these choices?”

Just about 2 decades ago, I took a course that trained me how to practice spiritual healing for myself and others–a course designed by Mary Baker Eddy to teach anyone how to understand, practice and utilize what she termed ‘the divine, or spiritual, Science of Mind-healing’ which she fully discloses in her seminal lifework: Science and Health. (Eddy, Unity of Good, p.37:3).
At the time, I knew this was the line of work I felt ‘called’ to do if you will.

And shortly after that training, I set up shop and announced to my family, friends and community that I was available if anyone needed healing. I had business cards made, found office space to rent. Man oh man, I was living this career through and through. And hands down, a ton of good happened. A lot of people were helped. And I surely grew spiritually.

But something else happened too.
The majority of people who I loved were convinced I’d fail.
Most of my closest friends were as well.
And even people who I could have otherwise collaborated with flat out acted like ‘who do you think you are trying to do this right out of college? What do you know that could possibly help others?”

Some of the folks I looked up to told me I needed to mature more. I needed to be more seasoned.

And guess what happened?

I started listening to them.
I actually started believing their doubts.

So much so that pretty soon, I was asking myself “Tre, what are you doing? What ever made you think you could just start doing this now?”

A few months into that kind of thinking, I ran outa money, lost pretty much all confidence, threw my stuff into storage, and ran away.

Humiliated? Ashamed? Afraid? Alone? Yep.
All of the above—felt it all, pretty much 1000%.

And something else: failure.
I was flat out convinced I failed.

So what do you do when you’re broke, haven’t ‘worked’ according to the ‘real world’ for 4 years, don’t have much credibility in the line of work I was pursuing, and don’t really know where to live?

Why of course! You drive across country and try to begin a new life.
Fine. Did that.
And a decade later, after figuring out how to start substitute teaching and then going on to teach in the public school systems, after now earning a substantial salary, having that pined for professional job title, and to all who had laughed at me proving I had ‘made something of myself” guess who wasn’t buyin’ it?

Me.

Nope. No sell.

Why?

I wasn’t being true to my heart.

Did I like teaching? Yep.
Did I love helping cultivate young minds? You betcha.

But had I ignored the deep rooted feeling like I was a failure…and not only for a little while, but for a whole decade? Oh yeah, big time.

And for all practical purposes, I could have continued right on teaching.
I was pretty good at it, had created a learning center for students with special behavioral needs, and everything seemed thriving.

But day in and day out, I grew more conscious of the fact that I was ignoring the profession I felt called to do: spiritual healing.

So something shifted for me one morning.
It was the middle of the school year. And once again, I’d woken up at the crack of dawn, looking out at the northern California sky’s beauty but feeling so very far away from home (South Florida). And I had a little chat with God. I told Him what I needed. I kinda bargained this way: “Look, I tried your way. Didn’t work. Everyone questioned my authenticity, most were laughing at me, I even ran outa mullah, it didn’t work okay? Now I’m really trying here to be a good teacher. Leave me alone about the healing stuff. I wasn’t good at it, remember?”

And I kid ya not. I heard this: “Uh, Tre? You never checked in with me to find out how you were doing” …Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration.
But that morning, as I was basically saying ‘get lost’ to God and lemme just keep on with my teaching, I did really get that I’d never checked in with God to begin with.

I’d checked in with everyone and their opinions that surrounded me 10 years ago.
God hadn’t ever laughed at me, judged me poorly, looked at me like a failure. God hadn’t ever told me I was ‘too young’ or ‘too inexperienced.’

But I had.

But I learned this: always always heed that inner nudge coming to you. Why? Because that is God’s nudge. That’s how God communicates with each one of us. And often, this nudge is not echoed elsewhere.

The cool thing? I’ve learned how to stop ‘checking in’ with others. And I’ve learned to stop seeking so many others’ opinions. And I am feeling really right about returning to the practice of spiritual healing I’d felt called to do so many years ago.

If I can offer something it’s this: it is vital to evolve your heart and own your own sense of what you feel you must do with your life. Not only is this unique individuality yours to express, but the world needs you to. That may sound too ethereal. But think about it: you matter, your individual unique expression matters. Don’t turn your back on it. Act as if it’s the most important asset you will ever own. Cherish and cultivate it as you would a sacred space or a tender young babe.

Jesus says it this way “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you.’…..To me that kingdom of heaven is inner peace…..what results from discerning, heeding, and carving out what that voice of Truth nudges you to do and live and be.

Have fun heeding that inner nudge. And defend your right to do so, even if at times it feels no one else will. You won’t ever regret it.

Here’s to being true to you. Be well and have fun, Tre 😉

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For further information about Mary Baker Eddy, her book Science and Health, or how you can also take this course to learn how to practice this divine Science of Mind-healing, feel free to comment or send an email to me at: tresha.cs@mac.com and let me know how to reach you.