“What if I never find anyone? No matter whom I am with, I just feel so empty, like no one ever really sees me.”
His revealing words echoed authenticity. His tone ached desperation. Indeed this man I sat with hungered for hope and yearned for validation.
Something impelled me to give my friend more than just a shoulder to lean on. I shared with him what’s helped me when I’ve felt similarly empty, even invisible.
“There was this pattern,” I told him. “I used to measure someone’s view of me based on my own inner gauge of how they treated me—what they said, how they said it, what they looked like as they spoke or didn’t.
If it was a good response, I felt good about myself. If I didn’t like what they had to say or how they said it, I felt miserable. And worse yet, if our conversation remained superficial, I felt slighted. And if they had little interaction with me, I felt ignored and rejected.”
Something shifted for me maybe about a few years ago. I came across this passage in Science and Health, a really great resource I use for learning how to explore practical spirituality.
“God is Love. Higher we cannot look. Farther we cannot go” (4:17).
I began asking myself if it was possible to evolve a sense of validity from within, instead of seeking it as the result of my externals—who I was seeing, who I was friends with or whether my family approved of my life / career choices.
And now, I’m growing more and more certain that we may never find satisfaction if we only look for it in externals—whether we have a companion, others’ opinions of us, job titles, where we are on some material scale of success. Sure, deep connections with someone is a wonderful thing. But no external, no matter how wonderful, is the source of validation and love we seek. Rather, that source can be found in our relationship with the divine.
“You know, that desire for true love that you’re feeling is right, honest, and pure.
You are worth loving because of all the good you wish to share and give to another.
That is an honest pure desire and you can trust that.”
“But if you just pause, let’s shift gears for a moment. Let’s look at the possibility that ‘true love’ is not an external, something you gotta go out and find. In fact, ‘true love’ is the effect of the nature of your oneness with the divine. And in a very real way, you already have this love. It’s within you. It’s who you are, the essence of your being.”
“Eddy writes about it this way in Science and Health
“God is Love. Can we ask Him to be more? God is intelligence. Can we inform the infinite Mind of anything He does not already comprehend?” (p. 2:23)
You see, God, the source and creator of all reality is Love itself. And you, as the child of God, you express this Love right now, this moment.
Tough to claim in the face of feeling invisible or empty, sure. But still true nonetheless.
So since you share this oneness already,the way to feel loved on a regular basis, day to day, is through you doing the mental work to defend this relationship. I know that may sound kinda funny. But it works.
Daily, in thought, defend your oneness to divine Love. And also in thought, thwart off all that opposes this fact. Even when we feel we’re falling into that deep abyss, which another friend referred to once as “that pitless loneliness feeling’, that very moment is the moment when we just need to pause, calm down, take a deep breath and start advocating our oneness. Seriously! Life is not about being a sponge that mentally soaks up a mortal view of life separate from God.
So get into thought and defend that you are not alone, rather you are this moment inseparable from divine Love. And right this moment, you are loved.
Loneliness or invisibility or emptiness come to thought as suggestions. They’re never spiritual facts, God’s view, the truth, of our worth. We can choose to give our consent to these suggestions or not.
In a very subtle way, those suggestions defend a mortal view of life separate from God. Such will never yield a sense of wholeness or completeness until we have x,y, z externals: the boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, career, etc.
But if a spiritual view of life is sought, we can cultivate a sense of our wholeness this moment, filling up on the immediate love we’re about and expressing as an idea in divine Mind.
Eddy writes “…The desire which goes forth hungering after righteousness is blessed of our Father, and it does not return unto us void.” (Science and Health, p. 2: 5).
God KNOWS your desire without even you asking. So know this.
Defend in your thought: God is Love, the only true Being. And I’m the reflection or expression of that Being. Just as Love is reflecting me to be love, this same divine Mind knows it’s my innate right and privilege to share that love, give it and receive it tangibly.
Start there, a vital step. It will shut up the gross accusations of black hole loneliness and all the other attacks that go with it: that you’re not loveable or have done something wrong or don’t know how to ‘be’ in a relationship or whatever stupid lies that linger around in thought.
Lemme state it simply: you gotta proactively defend your oneness. This is not a quick fix stroll in the park, hold hands with God and go back to the real world and find your soul mate.
This is a day by day, thought by thought endeavor to root out all that condemns you and in turn, defend day in and day out you’re the unadulterated integrity of your true being.
Feeling ‘loved’ is never really just about having a companion. It’s not in the next woman, the next man, the next relationship. And it’s really not about what was wrong with all the people you may have loved in the past.
It’s always about you and God. And it’s always between you and God.
When you reach that calm inner peace, reaffirm what is true about your spiritual nature this moment:
You are this moment the expression of integrity, strength, wisdom and courage.
You have all the intelligence, wit, joy and wholeness that your heart seeks.
You are this moment the man or woman of God’s creating and there is nothing wrong with you, nothing horrible about you, nothing unworthy or unloveable, nothing ugly or gross about you….not ever!
As you say these spiritual facts, feel the love that is behind them. And feel the absolute truth of these affirmations. Any thought that condemns you—“I’m not good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, too complex, too independent, too whatever”—is false belief, the antithesis of your spiritual nature. In truth, you are worthy and loveable right this moment!
You are not alone, ever. And you are always loved and loveable.
Claim this moment to moment. Seek that genuine humility that defends your completeness. No dependency, no partial you, just pure, whole, complete, fulfilled you!
Be gentle with your heart. Be patient. Be adamant about defending your oneness to God. It is a moment to moment journey…and you are guaranteed to feel loved!
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Thanks for reading and sifting through these ideas. Lemme know if you wanna discuss any of them further. Just send me a comment and tell me how to be in touch or email me at: tresha.cs@mac.com.
Much peace to you and so much love, Tre