I had an image today that warmed my heart.
I was five all over again, and it was my sister’s 6th birthday party.
My mom was amazing and allowed her to invite like 20 + friends over for a pool party.
My dad dressed up as the Easter bunny, no small task in the hot Miami sunshine.
He really did. He wore this velveteen white full zip up costume.
I know because I stayed close to him that afternoon.
My sister and her world seemed so far far away from mine.
These kids were in first grade, knew how to read, already had pierced ears, wore pretty feminine dresses and not only knew already how to dive into the pool, but could also swim an entire length underwater without taking a single breath.
Man, were they mini goddesses to me that afternoon. I sat and stared at all of them with such awe. But such fear. My sister was my best friend. Yet here she was associating with all these older girls and doing what they did and acting like they were.
Hello! Where did my Tanya go? That day was my first wake up call to the heart ache of letting go something you hold dear. That day for the first time, I remember feeling really alone.
My dad’s embrace provided such a safe haven as a sobbed and sobbed into his furry arms.
And I remember as clear as I sit here three decades later, all the adults at the party thought I was just jealous of all my sister’s attention.
Nope. Not jealous. Nervous. Scared. Afraid of losing someone dear to my heart: my sister.
Funny how times and circumstances and scenery changes but some of those same things that tug at the heart never do…the fear of losing someone or something you love deeply.
I made a decision recently and you would think it’s like turning my back forever on something near and dear to my heart forever, though this decision and what I’m about to do is somewhat a finite experience.
I have to journey for a time to another city and bid farewell to what is a treasured setting to me and where I always feel 100 % at home.
Today I wanted those big furry arms to jump into, that would hug me, comfort me and tell me it’s okay. Sure, my dad and I are still incredibly close and oft-times he does provide that comfort to me and for me.
But the source I turn to hourly is that inner knowing connectedness I feel on a day to day, moment to moment basis with divine Love, a constant source of guidance and rearing intelligence impelling our innermost thoughts and actions.
Of late I’ve had to lean on that inner knowing quite a lot, even though I always strive to. And time and time again, in spite of all the huggabaloo of fear and doubt and worry and anxiousness that would otherwise whirl around in my thoughts, this inner sense of the guidance forever steering my deepest desires is indeed a pull I’ve come to really trust and rely on.
Mary Baker Eddy penned on the first pages of her life’s work Science and Health this statement:
“Desire is prayer, and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and deeds.”
Of late, I’m learning more and more that as I take small footsteps to fulfil an innermost desire, I can trust the inevitable outcomes will be full of new tender treasures. The externals may shift and the views change. But beauty can be seen everywhere, in ever season and climate. And moment to moment, step by step, the interactions between hearts can fill one’s own anywhere..whether a smile from someon on a bus, to a handshake at curbside vendor, to bidding someone a blessing who’s asking for money. I know that good abounds everywhere…and I can trust that I will be fully embraced in this new locale with immeasureable gems of joy. After all, divine Love adores each one of us that much to expect this!!!
So how do you discern your deepest desires?
Acted on any recently?
Glad you did?
As always, I’m ever grateful for your comments or questions. Thanks much for reading and be well 🙂
Til the next post….. Tre 🙂