I braved a visit with my dad tonight…
In a beautifully odd and unplanned way we are in the same city…
I say brave because my father –no better said– making my daddy proud of me– used to drive my every step…
I love him that much
His influence on me is that great
I say used to because when I left traditional means of employment and when I struggled to heal self loathing we were at odds
And we didn’t really visit for a while…something I regret with my whole being
I found comfort in not seeing his look of disapproval which I wasn’t able to ignore
I am a thought reader and I can see through the once hold me so tight hug that turns to something else and the smile that is followed by “lemme be the CEO of your life”
My dad is an expert in his field and nationally known
He has no tolerance for weakness and ought not.
He’s a self made brilliant success story
No pressure or anything:)
Still through it all… Through choices I’ve made in men and work and housing and life which he didn’t agree with… I’ve kept on
Kept on trying to have him see my heart
see my love
geel it
And so today it was really hard to recognize indeed I was still initimidated to face and share time with this man I love so deeply much..
But I do what I do when fear wants to steer…
I prayed…
And prayed…
And prayed some more.
I sought to see my dad not how some of my past sees him, not as past hurt would see him, but as his Father/Mother God created and sees him… I sought to see my dad thru the lens of divine Love…
And ya know what?
We had one of the most connecting visits we’ve had in years and I outpoured to him why I feel much of my past years efforts keep hitting up against a wall and he helped me scale my one million ideas into one manageable doable so that I can prolly create it blindfold right now…
He helped me outline a story I simply must tell.
And he did it so graciously…in the same tone he used when he taught me to ride a bike when I was 5, drive a car when I was 14, drive a boat when I was 15, snorkel, fish, ski, do my best in school, behave when I wanted to talk and act instead of listen to the teachers talk at us:), map out a plan to achieve any goal and even write…
Dad’s always been the most effective communicator I’ve ever known….
He always said his church was living of life and love and he has done that hugely well…and I rememeber thousands of weekends in the keys fishing and boating and exploring the sea together…
I am certsin it’s why the Keys will always feel like home to me…
So as I tap keys to type this now moment in hopes of savoring it forever …my heart to yours:
NEVER give up…
Not on your family
Not on your loved ones
Not on your precious self
Not in whatever endeavor means the world to you to achieve…
Just by knowing you wish to do something?
There’s the why.
I’ve been too stuck in “no one will read it” or who’s gonna care what I have to say”…the erroneous belief of doubt can paralyze our best intentions…
Dad said to me tonight “Tre for one who believes in God so much maybe it’s time to trust why this idea keeps coming to you”
Um yeah okay… Ya think?
Hello mcfly…
So… This is me defending for all of us:
Love has blessed each one of us with the very precious lives who will comfort us, push us, and encourage we live our highest sense of good…even when that means listening–not fighting– to whats been hiding all along
And may we LET THEM leave their imprint on our hearts…even when and especially when we see things differently…
May we listen on and hear their love amidst the concern or advice…
May we allow their utter wisdom hold our hearts… They kinda have walked this walk much too…
And may we be soooooo humbly willing to know their story and successes have shaped us deeply and we can find the good in all stories and allow it respect admiration gratitude and utter love.
So facebook friend… I’ve never lost my dad or a hope that he’d hear my heart
And tonight for whatever reason not the least of which has been a willingness to keep trying and keep loving how I am able to this dear man, a true bond was strengthened and extended and I will never regret that I’ve kept on…
Please promise yourself you will try…again…and again…and again.
I love my dad so deeply much.
He is a testament of true genuine manhood of the most amazing kind….
And I’m sooo unspeakably (really) grateful through leaning on that Father Mother Love I’ve been able to allow my dad outpour with, adore and love me…
#Justbeyondmovedrightnow.