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Sharing herstory: Pondering the infinite …on a cross country 1997 road trip

This is one of several stories of a healing journey that I am currently outpouring via spontaneous poeming. I don’t know how I am able to do this yet…I have kept a lot quiet perhaps and want to show evidence….and what happens when you thought by thought refute that you’re ever alone and strive through leaning on divine Love to prove the powerlessness and unreality of all limits that are so mortal….and everything about my convictions I owe to the ideas of a great book Science and Health…and these days I help folks bulldoze fear and overcome their own right now limits. While I hope these poems assemble one day as a book, I’ve never been really good at striving for a definitive outcome….for there is always the right now and all you’re able to manage…and so as the poems come i am finally trusting it’s okay to share them…What you must know is that its very hard…to relive or retell stories from what seems a life ago by far….yet…I’m so committed to helping any girl or boy feel her or his worth and understand that she or he is never ever alone and so deeply loved no matter what has happened. Thank you ever so much for being here and reading…and if you wish to share this journey more completely please feel welcome to subscribe here or follow sharingherstory.wordpress.com.  Much love to you, Tre ~ 

 

 

It was a full moon like this… and a night in 1997 late August…I had had this dream to go west from Florida to Cali

Probably ever since Richie and Potzie and the Fonz and Joni of Happy Days did that beach summer scene

Visiting The Pacific Ocean seems as good as any

a destination to clear my heady

It didn’t matter to me all the states in between

I set my sights on the end goal and the in between seemed so deeply easy

I loved driving

I loved tunesI loved to think

And I had much to think through

We didn’t have cell phones

We only had beepers

And there were spots all over the country

Where you were out of range from everybody

But I never felt alone once on that drive

And it’s not because of stopping to call home at pay phones how many times

And it’s not because I would strike up meaningful conversations with folks on the road (though I always did mile after mile)…

It was because I knew how to practice–in thought– the difference between soaking up the radio broadcast or friends and loved one’s opinions versus how to tune into spiritually listening…

I pondered the big questions on that drive west–

The eastern states found me forgiving myself for chasing a love that wouldn’t ever last

and for feeling like a failure when a i was told I wasn’t good enough for a cherished work position I strived for…

But by the time I got to the open plains

and then the Grand Canyon area and beyond

My thoughts began tuning into what is infinite Mind?

And what does it mean that man is an idea of God?

And what does it mean to consider Spirit is real and matter is not?

And before I had answers to my questions…

I would need gas

And I would stop and see the people that I may not ever see again…

and that made me really begin to cherish the now connecting…

See I never ever lost that spirit of valuing lives

Because I had been pontificating what is the essence and substance of all mankind

And whether the language and skin color and culture differed from mine…

I was embracing a truth in anyone I saw and I would continue to do this ever since mile after mile

And it’s all kinda coming back to thought for me of late

Because there’s never been a time like now when anywhere online you look the main headlines are spewing so much fear and hate

And I keep wanting to give this view to every one who reads

There are deeper questions we can be dwelling on and

what’s good of each one is what’s true for humanity

Oh I wonder often how to edit the headlines all are taking in

How to make video games more about helping the world and restoring water and the earth and less aggressive and violent

And I wonder deeply about how the victories can be found amidst the stories of hardship and pain

And I wonder about how to encourage anyone to edit his or her view of her or his life

and find how Love protected and steered and to count those ways …

And I wonder about a lot

About what I probably can’t change or impact too much

But the truth I wish to live better and defend forever is that we are each one with Love

And this means we are never alone and never a victim…

And I defend this truth to ones I adore who represent so many hundreds more…

Whether he just walked out…

Whether the now shelter wants to kick you out…

Whether you’re living in your car not by choice

Whether you’re wondering how to find the next job or client

Whether you’re standing in the EBT line wishing you had not quit that job the last time

Whether you just tossed all the liquor and said no more

Whether you stared in the mirror again and said for the thousandth time “we start anew today” no lie

Whether you are plotting how to leave

Whether you just learned your bank account is overdrawn

Whether you don’t know how to tell anyone about the abuse…

Whether you are tired of being treated like a muse…

But it is not enough to just say this truth and give it lipservice

You have to act on it and thats what that road trip– in ways– didn’t ever really accomplish…

I mean, yes I saw great sites and for s time settled west in California

But I had to stop driving and dig in and become employed and I opted to become a teacher 

before I ever felt all my pondering were being of service

(and that is a precious story I promise to share about overcoming everyone’s limits and telling me I wouldn’t ever be hired out there….I walked into about 10 different districts and had to pay for separate fingerprints in all of them….and little by little I was called by everyone of them and offered more opportunities to sub teach each day then I could ever manage…and slowly that would lead to going back to school at night and for almost three years getting my teaching credential and then 3 masters in education alright–which I never finished and yet there’s a beautiful why behind …and that’s a story I will save for another time…)…

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Why say this now

Well it’s not to shun a roadrip

Goodness knows it a fave way to journey of mine and I hope to do many more of em

But I’ve been of late so aware people keep wanting something out there

More this

Better that

An opportunity to come to them

Like they’re entitled or it’s to be expected….

And this may sound harsh

And maybe too abrupt

But nothing is out there

And it doesn’t come to you

You simply MUST follow your heart and do the legwork and while so doing BE LOVE

And this isn’t passive

It demands you rise

And roll up your sleeves

and do the things you must

but with a “seek the good” strive

The toughest lesson I’ve had to learn is the truth that you can’t sit and wait

There is not an out there prince or an out there some distant someday…

There’s not a reward for all the ways you followed the rules

There’s not a well done you angel girl for all the ways you’ve been good.

Not external anyway

The reward is getting to know yourself more deeply and striving to even moreso boot down fear along the way.

There’s this moment

and you’re already whole and complete

So it’s deep love for your precious you and mankind

that you can trust…

and if you’re nudged in a direction, then act on it

And of you think no one’s calling me

then maybe it’s a moment to go spend time with folk who don’t have cell phones and /or laptops and aren’t techie

And if you think no ones responding to my online resume

Then maybe it’s time to go out of your comfort zone of the computer and do walk ins and meet folks in person

And if you’re feeling alone and sorry for yourself then maybe it’s time to go make a new friend and do something for him or her and get out of the land of self

What I’m suggesting doesn’t shun what you are feeling

But my heart to yours

We have to watch the pull of entitlement

because it would love to swallow up our heart to heart genuine …

So if you’re still here and reading this spontaneous outpoured with my left thumb and right point on my iPhone  poem

My heart to yours

I’m sharing some of the core things I’ve learned and am knowing

There is good in everyone

There’s a story right where you are

There’s a someone who would’ve so comforted by a compliment

There’s a strength to slowing down and doing something new you haven’t thought of

There’s a freedom that comes when you own accountability

And there’s an empowerment when you stop blaming your past, the former relationships, your upbringing, …anybody

I preferred the driving in ways to the full time sub teaching

and night school

getting my credential

and working on three Ed masters (I loved options!)

It was hard to teach all day

and then drive the 90 minute each way commute to class and go listen to lectures

But when I finally was given opportunities to work with kids

All those hours of pondering the infinite began to make so much sense

For I was bombarded with differences both learning styles and cultures

And parents has as different ways of rearing children as did anyone…

Some dads had professional office jobs

A few dads owned restaurants and one even a strip club

A couple of moms were stay at home

Most of them worked too and were doing all they could for a second income

To send home mounds of homework devastated the families

So since the students had to stay after school anyway I started an after school homework club because I cared…

And later a learning center for those the majority wanted to not teach

I wouldn’t give up on any child and there was so much healing…

So I needed that lens of seeing the good

And I needed the patience that would listen t the parents ask for less homework

And I needed the humility when I was criticized for never going to the staff rom for lunch (I was figuring out ways to reach my student better and I didn’t wanna sit around and gossip )

And I needed forgiveness when I was let go from my first year (the year I tried to teach fourth grade while also being a full time at night grad student)

And I needed a lot of trust that somehow all of this journey made sense while I tried to dwell in another state (California) where I didn’t known anyone really when I drove there …

So I should probably land this plane of going on and on

Except to you friend of you read this:

You’re allowed to follow your heart and seek out the good and ponder the infinite and take cross country drives as much as you want

but it will eventually always all come back to what are you allowing in thought

What’s your view of you and The Who is across from you

And your boss and spouse and doggie

And can you strive to see their good too?

The more you try the more you defend it’s there the more you will be healed of angst and doubt and fear

And with that I’m gonna trust this poem made sense and I’m gonna go stare at that full moon and hope with all my heart it did.

And I may ponder the infinite some more too.

My heart to yours, Tre

 

And if this is the only time we connect, I’ll share a quote I strive to live by…

Jesus beheld in Science the perfect man, who appeared to him where sinning mortal man appears to mortals. In this perfect man the Savior saw God’s own likeness, and this correct view of man healed the sick. Thus Jesus taught that the kingdom of God is intact, universal, and that man is pure and holy.”  (Science and Health, p. 476:31)

 

xoxoxo. #myheart2yours #spontaneoues_poeming #leftthumb#rightpointer #humanityisfamily#roadtrips#theinfinite

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