Why Getting Towed Proved a Good Thing

A year ago yesterday, my car was towed.

Thursdays are street cleaning day in my neighborhood, but I was new–as in I’d moved into the apartment 12 hrs prior– and knew squat yet about the neighborhood parking or street-cleaning schedule.

Lemme tell ya how good it felt to wake up, look at the window at my new view overlooking the freeway, searching for my car and seeing only an empty space where I’d left the car.

Ugh.

Deep black hole abyss sunken feeling of ugh came over me.

I knew instantly it was street cleaning and not theft because I saw the street sweepers moving up and down the block.

Ugh.

Within seconds the barrage of self-condemning enraged, “Tre!!! You stupid idiot! You know better! How could you let yourself neglect to read the signs??!”

I  felt angry as I tallied up the $100 fee plus the $80 ticket plus the cab fare to / from the tow lot.

Mental tug of war ensued between feeling stupid and angry, until I caught myself mulling and insisted I pause.

I do this frequently.

I’ve learned the only way to steady pace my life moment by moment is to steer thought.  Driving thoughts and steering them where and how we want them to go  often means turning thought away from the riggamorole of sabotage and ridicule.

This was one of those times.

I can’t remember all I comforted myself with…but surely it included taking a deep pause, a deep breath and wrapping my arms around all that had gone on in the past 48 that were really good things:

a. finding an apartment.

b packing up my sublease and loading up my vehicle.

c. unloading everything on my own.

d. lighting a candle and blessing my new space, as it was the first 12 mos lease I’d signed in years.

e. having a tender rest and falling asleep grateful for so many things: shelter, peace, comfort, safety.

As I sat there reminding myself of all this good, I seriously began to giggle.

I saw right in front of me the sweetest opportunity to refuse to consent anymore to the downward pull of victimization –a natural reaction perhaps toward my towed vehicle saga that anyone would comprehend.

Instead, I resolved to continue to steer thought and focus on the things that were going well in those moments of my new beginning.

Well, interestingly, a neighbor offered me a ride to the tow company, the fine was 1/2 as expensive as I thought, and after paying to release my car, I noticed a garage next door where they replace glass. My windshield had a fairly large crack and within that next hour, the whole thing was replaced, for free (Mass law).

I drove home and continued about my afternoon.

But that angst of “Tre, you shoulda known better” kept echoing and with it a lot of name calling.

What helps me squelch the ‘should have known betters’ is taking immediate action on a practical level.

I wrote out the list: “How not to get towed”

1. Read street signs

2. Learn the days of street-cleaning

3. Log it on your calendar

4. Contact city’s website and set up email reminder from city’s website.

5. Ask a friend to remind you

I finished the list and fulfilled each step:

I went outside.

I photographed the street sign on my iphone and saved it.

I marked on my calendar when the sweeping occurs (2nd thursday 12pm -4pm)

I went to the city hall’s website and requested an emailed reminder.

I called the manager of the building and he agreed to remind me as he’s always on site that day.

In short I took all these preliminary steps within about 30 minutes after returning from the lot.

And suddenly the anxiety about ‘what it if happens again’  just hushed.

Sometimes setting up gentle parameters helps create a sense of safety…why? Because our thoughts feel more secure with knowns than unknowns.

I’ve gauged if something feels hard and unknown, I create some parameters to navigate the terrain a bit more.

Where this all becomes really exciting is figuring out that the more you create gentle parameters for yourself, the less intimidated you are toward anything: whether going somewhere for the first time, interacting with someone for the first time, or braving a large group for the first time.

Stay tuned for an upcoming post about creating those gentle parameters when navigating unknowns in relationships. 🙂

And you?

Would value hearing about a time you were caught completely off-guard and opted as a result to create some practical parameters for yourself.

Thanks for being here, as always.